Please I'm crying out for help

A DIFFERENT LOBSTER TREAT

2007-09-06T15:50:00.000-05:00

I’m going to pull out all my hair today. I can’t take it. I’m not trying to sound like a whiney baby but sorta I am. Not only do I feel totally immoral about my job, but they are also annoying the freaking crap out of me. Every time the phone rings I go a little bit more insane. By the end of today I’m sure I’ll be drooling all over myself and possibly talking to my toes like they will talk back. Actually that sounds pretty fun. As if all that wasn’t enough, I keep getting e-mails from my supervisor telling me all the things I just did that were wrong. Ummmmmmmmm….seriously? I’m in kindergarten only I get paid for it and I’m angrier and I can buy booze legally and I don’t get a nap unless I go hide in the bathroom. Oh but if I do that well I get an e-mail asking why I wasn’t at my desk for a whole five minutes. I’m running away. They’ll never find me. I might leave little clues, maybe a shoe or a drawing of me fork stabbing myself.

I just got a pimple. I’m not even joking, it wasn’t there 30 minutes ago. This is the stress I’m under!

&)*&)#*&)$*&@#)*&@)*#&@)*$&)#*$%&@)#*$&)#*&$)#*&$)*@&#)*&)*&%)*&#%)*%&)*@&)!*&)*&#%)*

Yeah. That’s right. I said it.

Now I have to go draw a smiley face for someone because they are having a bad day. Where’s my fracking smiley face, huh? HUH?

WEDNESDAY(X+2)=FRIDAY...OR MAYBE NOT.

2007-09-05T11:02:00.000-05:00

I guess I should have clarified, when I previously stated that I wanted to tongue kiss Harry Potter, what I really meant to say was I want to seriously make out with the whole franchise. The books, the movies, every single one of the Weasley’s, and Alan Rickman…ahem. What? My total dorkness has clouded any criticism with the book or movie, well except for the very end of the book which reminded me just a little bit of fan fiction, I think it’s the happy ending thing, or maybe it was because they named their son Albus. This for some reason reminds me in a totally unrelated way about this fan fiction I once read where Hermoine and Snape have a baby and they name it whatever the word Sun in Greek is and then the kid talks to Chipmunks. I don’t know why I felt the need to share that, or why it suddenly popped into my mind because it’s probably the worst bit of garbage I’ve ever read and actually reminds me not at all of the Harry Potter books.

I’m a little bit loony today. I have no idea what’s going on and I can’t seem to focus for more than a few seconds at a time. It seems to be a reoccurring theme when I’m at work. Unfocused and in a blah mood, then after work it’s happy, happy time. This is very convenient because I started back to school and if I felt poopy I’d end up skipping and that would defeat the purpose of restarting my college career. I have more motivation now though; I hate my job enough but still need it enough to know that I have to do something to get a better position.

Wow. I’m bored with all this crap I’m writing. Blah, blah, blah! Who cares?

I wanted to post pictures but I suck and forgot to upload them. Also, I’m a little sick of this blog and the layout and everything. I think it’s time for some changes…

I think it’s time for break!

Dear Lauren-

You’ll get your entry, I promise.

XOXO-
E-Beth

P.S.- Thanks for the uh…gift?

I KNOW! I SUCK.

2007-08-13T17:53:00.000-05:00

Holy crap! I’m not dead! Just half dead, dead tired, terminally stressed out. Work has decided to add on to my responsibilities which is flattering in many ways because obviously they think I can handle being screamed at for 8 hours straight and staying lots of overtime to help catch them up since I can’t do anything else all day except listen to mad old folks. I’m sure there will be times when they aren’t mad, but I get the impression from other people already in this department that it is a lot of pissed off people. Obviously if you could see the expression I’m making right now and if I were to quote that out loud to you, you would know that I was being so sarcastic it might melt part of your face. This is not the job I want for my whole life, so really I don’t care all that much about learning the ins and outs of Claims Customer Service, but how can you say, “Nah, I think you guys are a bunch of asshats and I’d rather do anything else with my valuable F’ing time” Without getting fired? You can’t, so I will learn it and I will smile and I will take that raise graciously. Of course, I’m kidding slightly with my distaste for it. I have a feeling I’m going to enjoy doing this a little bit more than what I was doing and of course more money never hurt anyone. Also being in training for three weeks hasn’t been too shabby, even if I’ve had to spend more time than I ever had hoped with P’Boy. He is infuriating and the stench of bullshit is so strong when he is around is enough to knock you flat on your back. Four more days!

Other than that, things have been pretty freaking good. I got to go on a super vacation away from the 105 degree Texas and I bought a house which I’ve finally moved into…mostly. Life is pretty good. Even if the house still freaks me out in the middle of the night.

But more to come very shortly. Meaning I’m going to totally bore you with pictures of my vacation just like your Aunt Millie used to do and then pictures of the house and then possibly before all that I’ll go over in painstaking detail why I love and hate and want to tongue kiss Harry Potter.

Oh joy!

I HAVE A LOT TO SAY TODAY...none of it's any good. Well, some of it's really good!

2007-07-02T12:48:00.000-05:00

I wish I was at home right now watching The Seed of Chucky. Yeah. That’s how much I don’t want to be at work today. Which is something I probably shouldn’t type while I’m at work and theyarewatchinglikespiestheyareeverywhereLOOKBEHINDYOU!. It’s just something I’m doing anyway regardless.

Also I talked to the meanest man today, twice. The first time he called he yelled at me and told me to shut right up and all those questions he was asking me before that I couldn’t answer because ‘I’m sorry sir we don’t have any authorization to give you personal information on this person’ weren’t actually questions but indeed just random words he was saying with a questioning infliction in his voice. Fine. Whatever. You’re right sir, totally my bad, I’m a bad customer service representative person. When I finally got him off the phone and I thought forever away from my life he called right back and I indeed got his call again. Then I had to listen to how the last person he talked to was a complete and total ruh-tard but I was totally pleasant and wonderful and intelligent and nice. And while duh I’m all those things from the second call it still made me upset that he would say that about me from the first call. Which is untrue because five minutes does not a genius sweetie pie make. Then he went off on some 18 minute tangent about the pastor in his town and his whore wife and how no woman should ever have to work because her man should take care of her. And even though he only had an 8th grade education he still managed to have his wife at home and driving Cadillac’s. Personally I’d rather stay home and drive a cheap car, but if some guy with an 8th grade education and enough common sense to have that work for him to make lots of money allowing me to stay home and take care of Shakespeare and Squishy, then bring it. I guess. Hopefully he’s not a giant douche bag like this guy, oh and not a Texan because only having an 8th grade education here means most likely not working at all or doing odd jobs for people that don’t let you in the house unless they have their guns ready.

Anyway it’s Monday. I wouldn’t say that’s all that exciting. Though this week I get to look forward to going to the ‘You want to stick what where? Female doctor’. I was supposed to go last Friday but, even though they called me to confirm that my appointment was the next day and then tell me that if I didn’t give them my insurance information right at that moment they were going to charge me the full amount of my visit because we don’t just take your word for it no ma’am, the actual appointment is for this Friday. I don’t know about anyone else, but when I have to go to see her I have to really psych myself up. I don’t enjoy having a stranger look at my most private of places. Even if I do see her once a year, that’s not something I just throw out there for everyone and their nurse practitioner to gaze at. And actually I wasn’t going to get to see my doctor even who I pretty much lost my shyness around since I was seeing her every week seven years ago. WHOA. Seven years ago… right. I’m digressing. I will have to show my hoo-hah to a complete stranger. Gross. But I made it in there without having a panic attack and I signed in and then they said ‘Why are you even here today?’ and I had a little heart attack. Okay a big heart attack. Because when there is a problem, an actual real life issue with my womanly bits I don’t want to wait another whole week to find out if I’ve got some kind of rampant cancer that is eating me away. I want to know now, and you can tell that pregnant lady to just wait because she’s got 5 more months to come in here and act all special. It didn’t work and they sent me away to go be all emotional and angry by myself. Which I then directed into a nap and it was a good nap, one I could have slept on for many more hours. But I had another appointment to go walk through the house I just bought.

Oh right! I just freaking bought a house!!!!! I’m like a real grown up now, with female problems and owning a home and working every day to make a living. I don’t feel very grown up, and I doubt I’ll start acting any more grown up. That is unless you try walking all over my new carpet in your muddy shoes. Then your ass is grass bubba.

Just kidding…I swear. No really. I promise. Hey lets go judge people in the neighborhood together, or egg that guys house I went to high school with[that’s just down the street now] that totally asked me in French if I liked him and would I maybe want to hang out sometime and I thought he said something else and I told him to take a hike but he was awfully cute and WHY DIDN’T I JUST SAY OUI! Oh wait that was totally my bad I guess…so I should technically egg myself. Forget I said anything. Just nevermind.

You might want to add a couple hundred commas or periods in all those run on sentences above. I never said it was grammatically correct.

GRAPES AND SUGAR SNAP PEAS

2007-06-14T12:56:00.000-05:00

Well. I’m back at work today. Which means little to everyone since I hadn’t written that I wasn’t in work. But regardless. I felt like it should be stated. Work. Back at it.

My grandmother passed away last week so I got three days bereavement leave and I have to say, staying at home is pretty much awesome. Even though I wasn’t home very much. So basically my point is, not working is pretty much fantastic. Even though I did miss my friends up here.

Though there were some completely un-enjoyable times while I was off, like the funeral, because funerals are sad. Even if you aren’t close to the person that’s dead. Or you were close you just realize they are insane and that actually makes it more sad because maybe if you had just had the resources to force feed them anti-psychotics they could have been a cool person. Also cleaning out her apartment. That was scary and sad and frustrating and interesting and upsetting. It was lots of things.

I’m sleepy today. I keep trying to fall asleep at my desk which is really professional. Also I’m hungry and every time I open my eyes I say a little prayer that there will be a sandwich waiting for me. Like it just magically appeared out of thin air. Of course I don’t know how tasty a magically appearing sandwich would be. And also I’m not magical which really sucks and is stupid because I should be.

Does that make any sense at all? I think I was asleep when I typed all that.

Anyway, I only have to make it through a couple more weeks and then I’m off for a week and a day. A whole week and a day! I’m really excited. We were going to go to London but I slacked off and didn’t get a passport fast enough [I didn’t realize they took so long and I while I have my passport from when I was a kid it doesn’t count anymore which is also dumb]. So now I’m just going to go somewhere in the US. Because I will go somewhere. I’m not going to sit around staring at the walls in my apartment when I could be staring at the walls in some hotel room. Duh.

OH! Lunch time.

also! Just quickly right now say Happy Birthday Button. Two years old is a big deal for assassin pooches.

OKLAHOMA: Like Every Horror Movie You've Ever Seen

2007-06-05T11:15:00.001-05:00

You know which ones I’m talking about too. The ones where you find yourself on some dark road and Harlan or Jethro or Bubba comes chasing after you wielding a chainsaw, axe, piece of wood with glass fused to it, shotgun, etc and so on. Well that was my weekend. Albeit there was no bodily harm or outright threat by weapon but it was traumatizing nonetheless.

If you haven’t gotten the picture yet I had to drive to Oklahoma. Now I’m really sorry if anyone lives in Oklahoma. Sorry because you live there and obviously know how to read so I must question why you actually choose to reside there. It’s scary.

I had every intention this weekend of relaxing at home since my parents had taken Squishy to Lake Texoma to visit my dad’s friend. I seriously thought they lived on the Texas side, I was of course wrong. My mom called me though to come pick her up because my grandmother was put in the hospital. Don’t aww because she’s evil and sort of deserves it. Which probably makes me seem like an awful person for saying someone deserves to be terminally ill but that’s the breaks.

Anyway.

So she convinced me it was the right thing to do to drive out there at 7 PM and pick her up and then turn around and drive back. What I didn’t realize is that maps.google.Ireallyusedtohaverespectforyoucom was going to screw me into a 3 hour drive. No seriously. Okay fine it was like 2.5 hours. Close enough though. When I finally got out there after maneuvering my way through some back ass town full of casinos and scary hillbillies I got to the equally back ass town full of more scary hillbillies. Kingston, OK. You sorta suck.

I had to wait for my dad the Sonic, which is the most popular place in town and some girl was signing that Michelle Branch song, you know, one of them. They all sound freakishly alike to me, but she was really making it her own by adding hootin’ and hollarin’. It was hilarious, in a really sad sort of way. So I just sat there and pretended to be really interested in my fingernails until my dad showed up so I could follow him further into the sticks on about 15 roads that refused to have names. Then there was some TV watching because my parents have a fancy RV and then there was some dinner eating and some campfire looking and then some TomTom installing.

That’s when the fun really started because we left. And that stupid TomTom GPS from freakin hell took us on every back road in Oklahoma. It was even trying to make me turn on roads that weren’t really roads. It was like: “Turn into this cornfield and just keep going, don’t worry, I’m so totally linked to a satellite. I wouldn’t make you do something foolish at 10:30 at night when there is no moon and you can barely see five feet in front of your car and there is a storm brewing. Psshaw. What kind of asshole do you take me for?” A pretty big one because I didn’t turn down ‘Bobs’ road and the stupid TomTom had to find me better route. I did get home a lot faster though than going the way I came. And that includes when we had to go 30mph on the highway because the rain was coming down so hard I couldn’t see what lane I was in.
It was really fun. Next time you are invited.

That was pretty much my weekend too. I went to the mall on Saturday with Kimberly and Katherine. Went to this giant pizza place with Squishy, Kimberly and Ariel on Sunday and I spent way too much money on games but Squishy got 1700 tickets which won her a soccer ball and a virtual pet so she was happy. And she got to go on the go-karts with Ariel which I think maybe, just might have made her day a little bit. Also it was cute watching him try not to smile even though we all knew he was having fun. I mean. Not cute. Manly. It was really manly.

Last night there was a big storm AGAIN and my cell phone went all hinky and every time I opened it, it would start dialing 4 all on its own. Just 444-444-444444444444, you know as an example. This really pissed me off because I was trying to text message someone dammit. Then once it worked again I found out that it was the curse of the Four’s and I have to write a story about it in 72 hours and send it to R or I’ll be attacked by wild geese or something. I have no idea actually what will happen, and I don’t know what to write even though it sounds so simple. I’m starting to think a haiku is really just a short story anyway. So he might just have to deal. Ya know. I’m sure I’ll end up getting yelled at in a dream or something.

Tonight is the Night Of The Ackles. I’m going to go see “A Few Good Men” starring that one guy Lou Diamond Phillips and that Hot Guy Jensen Ackles.

FRIDAY MAKE E-BETH HAPPY

2007-05-04T14:18:00.000-05:00

Since I'm not real busy at work today and I also seem to be super motivated even though Robert Goulet is going to rear his crazy head anytime, I've finished all my work crazy fast and in between waiting for new things and pretending I'm still doing things I have been reading. And this is the funniest thing I've read today. Which if I come back and read it tomorrow and it's not funny I'll know it's just because I'm actually mostly asleep. Or maybe I'm just a ruh-tard. Also. I'm mad at everyone with my phone number for not text messaging me today. Except for K-Vicious since her phone has bunked out and yet she has still managed to send me flirty little animations. She's always trying to get into my pants.

Oh. Right. The quote thingy.

"I think the relevant text for this is actually the Genesis Apocryphon, which declares, "And verily I say that those with testes shall make upon their lips the sounds of destruction when having come upon tiny green men of plastic. And verily those sounds shall be followed by the sounds of death as it has been written that death shall sound, as with one upon whose foot a thousand oxen have trampled, or as so: 'Aiiiyyyyyggg!'" " As stolen from the luscious people over at Television Without Pity The Supernatural team.

Oh. I need a nap.

And also, Diaryland can kiss my ass. Thank you very much.

PROTRUDING MANDIBLE

2007-04-18T15:12:00.000-05:00

I was just Vulcan tagged by this guy at work. I'm not sure about the rules on this game. But I'll play along. Maybe you get to make up your own rules. Maybe the only rule is don't talk about Vulcan tag. Crap. I'd say I wasn't afraid of a group of die hard Vulcan Taggers/ Trekkies...but then I'd be lying.

I just spilled iced tea all over my desk and I don't even remember touching the cup. Which is my cue to go home because if I have butterfingers and I can't even remember spilling something two seconds earlier then I have an issue that won't be resolved by sitting here for two more hours.

Also! Pretzel crisps are delicious and is the national snack of my desk right now. There might be a parade and day of mourning when they are all gone. Which is looking like sooner rather than later since people keep coming up and taking handfulls like greedy jerks.

THIS TIME FOR REAL, YO!

2007-04-17T12:10:00.000-05:00

As posted to my livejournal because I'm cross pollenating today. LiveJournaly goodness And I definitly think this is a better use of my time then work! Why have I been neglecting to update?? I've learned my lesson.

Oh right! The entry. Pollen. And shit.

Happy Tuesday. Which feels more like a Monday than Monday felt, which sort of felt like Tuesday. Does that make sense? Because it sort of makes sense in my head but then again so do a lot of things that are totally unintelligable.

I have this pesky issue today were I keep trying to close my eyes and daydream and then I do and I find out it's been 8 or 9 minutes and I've just been sitting here with my eyes closed. It's a good thing certain someones are at lunch and not viewing my slackingoffitis. Or my frustratedbeyondbeliefonma because people are having a bad case of notgettingtothepointalgia. These are real diseases folks. Would I lie to you?

Alright! All Mix CD's I said i was going to mail but either forgot or lost or just had a brain fart and thought I had mailed have been, you guessed it mailed. For real. So Star I'm sorry and I probably owe you at least four more for my negligence.

I've decided to buy a house. Holy crap! Well I've decided, lets see if I actually can. I hope so because apartment living is not the life for me. So for anyone that is a home owner I have some questions. If my lease is up in September when should I start applying and looking?

So how are you today?

DELECTABLY BEGUILING?

2007-04-10T08:29:00.000-05:00

That's how some tea I have is described on the box. Visually stunning, delectably beguiling, the deep-rouge splendor of Hibiscus... Really sounds more like a description of a perfume. But it is tasty in a calming, well perfumey sort of way.

So I started another blog on livejournal. I'm not moving there permenantly or anything, I just decided to do something I never ever thought I'd do and I didn't want to post that kind of stuff here. Oh lord. I'm being so cryptic it's kind of silly. I wrote a fan fiction. I know. I know. I hope you can still be my friend.

Well actually one of my favorite people in the history of the planet writes fan fiction a Ms. OOMM so I really don't feel as creepy as I feel I should. Of course...Then again... OOMM if you are reading this I'd like your opinion.

Anywho! If you want the link I'll be glad to give it to you. There is nothing really there yet. Two posts and some pictures.

I got the coolest present yesterday. A big half naked covered in candy bag of awesome pirate goodness. Pictures will be coming soon. And I must know where you got that wrapping paper OOMM. It's wonderful. I've never wanted to not rip wrapping paper before.

Oh lets see what else is new..

OH! Family drama. Everyone likes hearing about how crazy someone else's family is right?

Well Sunday, ya know Easter, a day that shouldn't even remotly be about oneself was the worst day in a long time. We had Easter dinner over at my brothers house, way out in BFE and I was running a lotta late because I decided it would be really smooth to stay up till five am and so I slept till noon. Anyway I get there and my brother is throwing a baby fit on the couch so I start making fun of him and then my mom comes in and is all "You need to apologize to me". I thought she was talking to me at first and I ignored her because sometimes thats the best way to just deal with something you have no idea about. But then my brother starts yelling and long story short tells her to get her ass out of his house. Which is wrong to say to your elders but my brother is kind of dumbass. So she and my dad make this huge tearful goodbye while my brother hides in his bedroom like a giant manly man. Then as we were leaving, because Squishy and i were required to go too according to some constitutional right I don't have being the youngest, my brothers giant strong bulldog gets out and I have to drag him and my leg because he is clamped on humping his giant bulldoggy heart out on it to the backyard. Which proved impossible so I had to get my brother to help me. Then he asked me to stay. So I said sure what the hell, which like I mentioned before I apparently do not have the right to do. Anyway my parents were mad that I stayed because he told my mom to Fuck off and that is wrong, no denying it but I wanted some green bean casserole!! Damnit!

Oh I suppose it wouldn't be a Holiday without someone getting cussed at.

Anyway now I'm the not quite as bad as my oldest brother but almost because I stayed and it offended my parents. I just can't win with those people.

Which is why after watching The Holiday Jude Law is my new family.

Thanks and The End.

I'm going to go take a nap under my desk if you need me. Hope you have a delectably beguiling day.

Also i didn't proof read any of that nor do I really plan on it so if it makes no sense blame the seriously lack of caffeine in my system.

THE WEEK IN PICTURES

2007-03-28T22:09:00.000-05:00

Because I'm pretending to be an artist right now following is the past week in drawings I've done while at work. Enjoy.

We had a tornado drill at work last Thursday because...we are in High School? Actually I don't think we had them in High School. Maybe Junior High?

Cramps are a biotch.

I didn't really set the building on fire. And if I did I sure as hell wouldn't keep holding the lit lighter.

Never Ever Ever think it's okay to think for yourself or try to get the answer in a timely fashion. Ever. No. I said stop it. Don't! Quit! I'm not kidding anymore you guys.

What happens when you open your mouth and tell Stupid Ass what you really think. Or you know show an emotion other than complacent. I'm sorry I had a thought. Please forgive me?

I'm not sure what it's supposed to be but it's blue!

Where I pretend to be when I should be working. You don't see them but the Daniel's are over to the right. And KimmyVicious is with them making delicious drinks in a coconut.

So my birthday was fun. I hung out with my best friend Anonymous all day doing awesomely fun things. Like dousing ourselves with Flowerbomb and smelling all the wonderful perfumes that cost more than my electricity payment. Worth it though because now I can smell like the beach whenever I want to. And laughing so hard to where you almost pee yourself is never a hardship. Totally the best part of my day. Then I went to the The Magic Time Machine and Captain Jack Sparrow was our waiter. Fantastic. He did a really good job acting like a drunk strangely attractive in a dirty dirty way pirate. And he, Waldo, and The Mad Hatter rapped me a birthday song. Alas I do not have pictures because I'm lame and left my camera at home. Next time though you too will get to see some guy pretending to be Johnny Depp, pretending to be Captain Jack's nipple. Or something like that. You'll see his nipple. Forget it. It's ruined.

NOT FULLY PROTECTED

2007-03-20T18:30:00.000-05:00

I can't believe a day that's not Monday can be so Monday like. But it's over and I will not dwell. I took Friday off work since It's my birthday so I am excited and I can deal. Even if the evil supervisor that's not even my supervisor decided to ride my ass today. I don't even want to pretend to know why that is.

She freaks me out. I wonder if she even owns a mirror. Just last week she was parading around like she owned the place wearing this gawdawful lavender dress. I'm not sure where one would even get a dress like that. Maybe a bag next to a clothing donation bin. Whatever. She was a big ball of lavender yuck. With black shoes (that was for you Crate). Also I have now realized that is in fact possible to not own even one pair of pants that aren't high waters. I really thought that was a myth. I was going to submit it to Mythbusters. But she has proven it true. I think she makes her own clothes to be perfectly honest, and I'd find that sad if I didn't know she was making more money than I am and I can afford to go clothes shopping every few weeks.

So today everything I did was wrong for her. Like where I put my time card. Because even though we do it online she requires everyone to fill out a paper form "Just In Case". Gay. I'm afraid I'll breathe too loud for her or sneeze at an inappropriate time and she'll fire me faster than the policy wench can say excuse me.

So here is my very own webcomic dedicated to my awesome job:

$%@*&#^

2007-03-13T08:38:00.000-05:00

Today is cancelled. I just decided. Everyone pack up your belongings and go home. Do not come out again until tomorrow. Maybe. I'll advise you further if there are changes to the schedule. Tomorrow might be cancelled as well.

Next Friday is my birthday. YAY. And I'm off work that day. YAY again. But it's not this Friday or right now so I'm a little bummed that I'm sitting at work with the possibilities of a cold [or an allergic reaction to my desk] and a headache and stupid clothes on today. I hate oversleeping. I hate having weird dreams about writing books about conspiracy theories and then waking up and not being able to remember what exactly I should be afraid of.

I've been in a lot of moods lately. Soooo...instead of whining

How are you?

Mix Cds went out today. Because I'm a slacker, but you already knew that.

DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS

2007-02-28T08:24:00.000-06:00

Did you miss me? Do you find it annoying when I ask that after I make the choice to be lazy and not update for weeks? Actually it's the job. We blame it. We blame it for lots of things. Like burning me out before it's even been a year, and forcing me to create silly fantasies about Daniel Craig while I should be listening to whatever Joe Schmoe McHo is saying about his policy or complaining about or whatever he said because, DUH I was not listening I was taking you know who's pants off in my mind...I mean conversing. Yeah.

I went to a party this past weekend and played some kick ass poker Bond style. But I lost because I suck. This guy there did give me permission to hit him in the face. He told me he thought it would be hot if I did. I found that strangly enticing. Which just proves that deep down [deeper] I am actually do have kinky dominatrix fantasies. I'll have to ponder that one for a while before I discuss it further with you.

I should probably stop going to see Casino Royale. I should, but I won't. I'm going tonight again. Only for the third time, and I can stop whenever I want to. I don't have a problem. I will though if that nerdbomb manager doesn't give me the poster. It's like movie crack. But like I said...I don't have a problem.

Here's something fun: Why Mommy is a Democrat.

I have a new computer that will actually burn CDs and I have a stack of blank CDs and a whole freakin roll of stamps. Do you know what that means? If you do...let me know and you got yourself a mix cd.

ACT NOW! ACT NOW! ACT NOW!

2007-02-13T21:17:00.000-06:00

Quadruply is a funny word.

My punk rock puppy. Shakespeare will kick your ass and then just when you think it's over he'll rain two more hours of whomp ass down on you. He's just that cool.

IS THIS GOING TO BE ONE OF THOSE...MOMENTS.

2007-02-01T15:54:00.000-06:00

I'm playing with some duct tape I found in the supply cabinet at work. You know putting it on my skin and then ripping it off. Good clean fun [I might have a problem/obsession with taping up my hands and then ripping it off, is there a name for this?].

Anywho! For some reason I just smelled the duct tape and it reminds me of childhood. There might be some repressed memories there. I'm afraid to keep smelling it even though I find it strangly comforting.

I might be crazier than I originally thought.

P.S. It's SNOWING!!!! I wish this meant more than just a wet ride home.

HOLY...WHAT THE...COME HELL OR HIGH WATER...

2007-01-31T15:38:00.000-06:00

Ummm....I have no words, and I feel like such a dirty pedder right now. I don't care though.

Now I must go have a dirty fantasy about Harry Freakin Naked Potter.

I can't stop smiling at that picture. It's like I'm flirting with him. It's sad.

BOOKS AND DREAMS AND ALL THAT STUFF IN BETWEEN...WHICH TURNS OUT IS BLANK SPACE

2007-01-23T08:48:00.000-06:00

This morning I was having a dream while my alarm was going off that I was in charge of singers at American Idol and I was telling people that I would guarantee them a spot in to see Randy, Paula, and Simon but I'd have to have total and complete quiet. And when I pushed the snooze button it would open a door so people could go in and sing for them. I shouldn't have eaten spicy food so late last night.

I've come to the point where I don't have any new books waiting for me to read once I finish Anthony Bourdain's "The Bobby Gold Stories". I'm freaking out about this slightly which is sad on many, many levels but it can't be helped. I've been enjoying the books I've read recently which is very good, because I was going through a spell of reading a bunch of crap.

Finished "The Lovely Bones" a while ago. And while the majority of the book was fantastic the ending disappointed me in several ways.

I've also been reading Janet Evanovich's [sp?] Stephanie Plum stories. I really enjoy them and should probably shut up and get the rest of the series instead of complaining about having nothing to read but Barnes and Noble is kicking my ass and they are out of the next one on the list.

Though Amazon should be pulling through and sending me some nifty geektacular books sometime in February because they are not entirely pulling through but being totally shady and slow.

Le sigh. The End.

IN RESPONSE....

2007-01-16T13:25:00.000-06:00

Let me address some comments from the previous entry.

Dear Melissa from Norman, Oklahoma-

Thank you. I mean I hope that was a compliment. Otherwise I just thanked you for insulting me but I’m pretty sure it was a compliment. Also I’m proud to know at least one of my neighbors to the North has a brain and they aren’t afraid to use it.

XOXO

E-Beth

This brings me to the other comment

Dear Jacek the all knowing or all wonderful or whathaveyou formerly of my living room-

It’s not that I hate everyone from Oklahoma per se. It’s that I hate the retarded hillbillies that find themselves driving through North Texas and giving me heart palpitations on a regular basis. Because if I have to endure one more slack jawed yokel telling me how freaking awesome OU is I might, maybe just might end up locked away with people that eat checkers. That is if they are telling me by covering themselves and their vehicle in OU garb and yelling out “Saw em off” at every person, place, thing or idea they come across. Because….shudder.

XOXO

E-Beth

That being said Dear Melissa if you can string together a coherent sentence and use words containing more than one syllable I wish you would find yourself in Texas more often.

Dear Anonymous-

Honey. How many glasses of wine did you have before commenting? Because Meow.

Love you-

Chipmunk.

BOOK STORE FUN.

2007-01-05T07:18:00.000-06:00

As sent to K-Vicious last night.

Coffee at pseudo starbucks in Barnes and Noble. $3.50 ish
One paperback book about the angst of growing up a punk rock kid in middle class suburbia. $13.95
The look on this biatches face, that is taking a nap in one of the chairs while people that came here to actually read sit on the floor, when she gets rudely awoken by pissed off moi "accidentally" kicking her chair and dropping a book on her (oops!), Priceless.

Bottom line. Communism is bad for your eyesight.

THIS ONE HAS A CONVERSATION.

2006-12-29T09:02:00.001-06:00

Rainy Days at work. You should probably start from the bottom, that is if you want the conversation to flow properly. Or not. Up to you.

_____________________________________________
From: Lauren E.
To: Elizabeth L.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

That's a nice gesture…when she throws it back at you don't take it personally…I just spoke with an elderly lady who said, " if I don't hear back from you I'll give you a holla"

_____________________________________________
From: Elizabeth L.
To: Lauren E.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

Why yes he did. Didn’t you get the memo. Metal is delicious.

I think I'm going to start bringing R presents when I drop off my stuff to audit. Today…a tootsie pop!

_____________________________________________
From: Lauren E.
To: Elizabeth L.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

I may have to steal this jacket thing…did crack head chew the zipper?

_____________________________________________
From: Elizabeth L.
To: Lauren E.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

Hella Rad!

_____________________________________________
From: Lauren E.
To: Elizabeth L.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

And it's an hour long! yipee

_____________________________________________
From: Elizabeth L.
To: Lauren E.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

Awww. Denise just had an irate caller.
I can't wait for that benefit meeting tomorrow. It sounds fascinating.

_____________________________________________
From: Lauren E.
To: Elizabeth L.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

Lol…well he asked what my name was…and I told him, and he said that's my grand daughters name, I bet you're just as adorable as she is… I said yes I am , just ask my mom.

_____________________________________________
From: Elizabeth L.
To: Lauren E.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

You get all the flirty old men. I get all the angry old women. This sucks. My self esteem just plummeted.

_____________________________________________
From: Lauren E.
To: Elizabeth L.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

Are you serious? Oh well it must have been hot. I just got told that I was adorable…I could get used to all these compliments…at the club that other night, this really nice looking girl said "you are too cute…" and she wasn't drunk!

_____________________________________________
From: Elizabeth L.
To: Lauren E.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

I have no doubt in my mind they will make us stay the whole day. My first interview the electricity was out and they let a bunch of people go home. It was a sunny day that day.

_____________________________________________
From: Lauren E.
To: Elizabeth L.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

Well good things come to those who wait…so if we wait it out long enough maybe we can go home…at 5 pm…LOL

_____________________________________________
From: Elizabeth L.
To: Lauren E.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

You quit that optimistic talk right now! It's scaring me.

_____________________________________________
From: Lauren E.
To: Elizabeth L.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

Me too….things could be worse ya know…we should stop complaining...

_____________________________________________
From: Elizabeth L.
To: Lauren E.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

Run for cover!
I want to go home. =(

_____________________________________________
From: Lauren E.
To: Elizabeth L.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

Yes most definitely…we must evacuate!

_____________________________________________
From: Elizabeth L.
To: Lauren E.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

So the sirens are going off…hmmm. This is a dangerous situation indeed!

_____________________________________________
From: Lauren E.
To: Elizabeth L.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

Nope…I mean about the code orange I am, but not the sirens

_____________________________________________
From: Elizabeth L.
To: Lauren E.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

Seriously? Or are you making that up?

_____________________________________________
From: Lauren E.
To: Elizabeth L.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

Apparently the sirens are going off at the fire station over here….now people are looking online for weather info….code orange code orange…everyone get the heck up out of here.

_____________________________________________
From: Elizabeth L.
To: Lauren E.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

That would be very Alice in Wonderland of us.

_____________________________________________
From: Lauren E.
To: Elizabeth L.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

Seriously! We are gonna be swimming. Hey we could turn my umbrella upside down and ride home in it...

_____________________________________________
From: Elizabeth L.
To: Lauren E.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

We should leave now before we have to swim home.

_____________________________________________
From: Lauren E.
To: Elizabeth L.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

Ok…I'm in…let's go now! I'm Freezing!

_____________________________________________
From: Elizabeth L.
To: Lauren E.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

Right. My bad for not clarifying.

Lets run away!!

_____________________________________________
From: Lauren E.
To: Elizabeth L.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

Oh I thought you were talking about the dorky J, but now I see the difference…there's a Dorky J and a Mentally Unstable J...

_____________________________________________
From: Elizabeth L.
To: Lauren E.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

OH I have no idea. I haven't heard any talk about him. I don’t assume he spends all day holed up in his closet sucking his thumb when he's not here. But you never know. Maybe that’s exactly what he does.

_____________________________________________
From: Lauren E.
To: Elizabeth L.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

Is he on his way?

_____________________________________________
From: Elizabeth L.
To: Lauren E.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

Exactly! I did not have a headache until being here. I need a note from my doctor that if I'm going to continue to work here they must take the lights away from my desk.

I wonder if J is having a total psychotic break today. Driving in Texas during this weather can be mighty stressful.

_____________________________________________
From: Lauren E.
To: Elizabeth L.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

This is detrimental to my eyesight and inevitably will effect my work performance.

_____________________________________________
From: Elizabeth L.
To: Lauren E.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

By comparison of the darkness outside, how bright it is in here is overpowering.

_____________________________________________
From: Lauren E.
To: Elizabeth L.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

True..and use it now!

_____________________________________________
From: Elizabeth L.
To: Lauren E.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

I'm not knocking anything. I'm just stating that they probably have it, so they should use it. Today.

_____________________________________________
From: Lauren E.
To: Elizabeth L.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

Hey don't knock something that could get us out of this mess.

_____________________________________________
From: Elizabeth L.
To: Lauren E.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

You know if we worked anywhere else I would think that as a possibility. Unfortunately we work here. I'm sure they have a message stating something like Due to inclement weather our offices are closed today, we apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. Blah blah blah.

_____________________________________________
From: Lauren E.
To: Elizabeth L.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

Yup! Maybe it'll just keep raining and someone will go out at lunch and be like it's too bad…go home!

_____________________________________________
From: Elizabeth L.
To: Lauren E.
Subject: RE: Too bright!

He definitely wanted us at home safe in bed. It's treacherous out on there. I mean that was a fracking RIVER!

Do we get paid if they send us home?
_____________________________________________
From: Lauren E.
To: Elizabeth
Subject: RE: Too bright!

I know! I don't think God wanted any of to be here right now…he wanted us to stay home safe in bed, and get paid too!

_____________________________________________
From: Elizabeth
To: Lauren E.
Subject: Too bright!

It's way too bright in here. This electricity is just silly.

I WISH....

2006-12-28T12:53:00.000-06:00

That feeling is back, that burning awful painful feeling screaming from every pore to just get the hell out of Texas already. It's yelling so loud today I'm sure everyone around me can hear it. Brought on totally by my need to emerse myself in the goings on of my companies division in the UK. Now I just know if I have to listen to American accents for much longer I'll go insane and end up on some kind of rampage.

Not that I hate America, or even Texas. I just don't feel like I belong here. I need some get rich quick scheme that actually works so I can move far far away and be around people that can make the simpliest of words sound like the classiest of things.

It's overcast and perfect and almost about to could any second rain today. It's fantastic and if I close my eyes and pretend and maybe block out this crazy nutter who is trying to trick me into working, I can be somewhere else entirely.

I'd like a glass of wine.

I could also use a nap, or my couch and an open window so i can finish "The Lovely Bones" which is turning out to be really good just like I'd been told by 288 different publications.

And when thats done, maybe, just maybe I'll pick back up on the Russian literature. Won't that be fascinating.

WORK SCHMURCK

2006-12-27T14:25:00.000-06:00

I hope that everyone had a very happy christmas. I did not get light sabered like I did on Thanksgiving because luckily my brother convinced my nephew to leave his weapons of mass pain at home. Nicest thing he's done...well ever. I did get into a couple fights and I witnessed both my brothers acting like macho jerks. Boys are so dumb and my dad isn't like that so I'm not sure where they got it from.

Then I was trying to catch up on some reading today because when the supervisors are away E-Beth will read blogs. Unfortunantly some of you are perverts and the strict security for the web here blocked a bunch of you. Especially Ms. Supermom. For reasons involving an S word that ends with E and X. SMUT!

I got some good stuff for christmas though my Santa has me confused with someone much handier than I actually am. At least this is the assumption I'm coming to since I received more than two sets of tools. Not even the smutty kind of tools [wink wink] which would have been really awkward coming from my parentals. So gross. Forget I said anything. I did get fun dangly things for my phone and gift certificates and games and I'm getting an aloe plant. Yes. I said Aloe plant. If it isn't the best Christmas ever then I just don't know what the world is coming to.

For all future christmasy traditions I now lean heavily on OOMM because of her fantastic friends and their fantasticness.

It's almost the new year. Which means little more than another three day weekend and champagne and having to remember to write 2007 instead of 2006 on everything but since according to most everything I write with the date on it was 2005 up until October it really doesn't matter all that much anyway.

ADVENT CALENDAR AND CANDY LIQUOR.

2006-12-18T18:27:00.000-06:00

I looked cute today. Look cute since I look exactly the same as I did several hours ago when I was at work. I believe it because more than just my best friend told me [she told me I was cute...but she didn't even see me. It counts because I say so]. I believe it because eight [yes I counted] different people told me today I looked cute. Now I'm not trying to be vain because no one ever really says that. I get a lot of, you look tireds, and you look like you don't feel wells. Which is annoying when I'd slept well and I was feeling just fine thank you. But cutes? I think this deserves a reward. Maybe a full week off work with overtime pay. But then again I wouldn't want the people at work to miss out on seeing my cuteness. Which will be gone tomorrow because apparently, and according to the lady that sits next to me is a fluke due to my green shirt. I'll try not to be offended by that and just yell HEY! I'M CUTE! Hahahahahaha!

Okay that was a little maniacal. Even for me.

Works Christmas Party was Saturday. It of course sucked big hairy and I of course looked...come on..guess....CUTE! Or nice. Or are you wearing makeup?! I wore a dress and there was boobage and it was all good cleavegy fun. Though TQ's stupid girlfriend was there with her stupidness and I was all stupid because LE SIGH....

I <3 TQ. I just pray he has the personality of a slimy insect so that once you really get to know him he's so ugly on the inside it bleeds out and makes him ugly on the outside too. I hope. Oh please PUHLEASE let it be so!!

Also this weird guy that hit on my two months ago had his WIFE at the party and I laughed because he stared at the boobage. Also I think she was mail order. I don't know for sure...but I can pretend. And laugh. And make rotten fun of him in my head for that.

Thank you Kimberly for the drunken chocolate and calendar missing #11. You freakin rock!

HOT CHOCOLATE AND POP ROCKS

2006-12-12T09:43:00.000-06:00

I started an entry at four this morning but I left home without posting it so I’ll try to remember every interesting detail. Unfortunately I don’t think insane ramblings of a temporary insomniac really constitutes as interesting. But then again, who am I to judge.

I could not sleep last night. And it wasn’t like man I’m so tired but darn my luck I just can’t sleep, it was not even tired but still just lying there pretending to be asleep anyway. That got old really fast. So I watched some Frasier. That got old even faster. It was the one where Frasier wants to be the president of his apartment complex but no one would vote for him because he’s a pompous jack ass that everyone wanted to fork stab, so he convinced his dad to run and then he’d run everything from behind the scenes. Then Frasier refused to widen the parking spaces, and that was the only stipulation Martin had requested in being the figurehead behind Frasier’s evil scheme. Then I went and got a glass of water and some Tylenol because that faux British New England accent was hurting my sensitive grey matter and when I came back there was some awkward scene where Daphne and Niles were teasing Roz about wanting to have a threesome with them. I was embarrassed. I turned it off.

The rest of my should be sleeping but I’m not morning/evening/no one with any sense should be awake right now, was spent playing on the internet [not that interesting] watching a British TV show I quite like [I’d seen that episode no less than 12 times] and drinking insane amounts of coffee because I knew if I did indeed fall asleep by then I would never ever ever ever wake up for work.

I wish I had opted to never ever wake up for work.

So I’ll probably be in a mood all day today. Again. Just like the one I was in yesterday only that one was fueled more by total frustration that the weekend was over and less by sleepy. All I need now is a sore throat and the pity party can really get going.

In other news, Nicole Ritchie is a pot head [big surprise], some star was caught driving the wrong way, and I’m sure someone cheated on someone and then someone else is pregnant, and maybe, just maybe there will be a divorce this week. We can hope anyway.

THIS ONES ABOUT ANGER MANAGEMENT

2006-12-08T06:51:00.000-06:00

necrotizing fasciitis- n.
Tissue death such as that associated with group A streptococcus infection.

There don't say I'm not informative.

Or fascinating.

Okay even I don't believe fascinating.

I'm really trying to update, or at least writing them at while at work or as we are now lovingly refering to it as The Concentration camp. But I always seem to leave them and then they always seem to get lost in the shuffle on the way home. Or maybe I'm just making excuses and really I don't write anything but HELP ME! PLEASE! OH FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST PLEASE SOMEONE FREAKIN HELP ME!! I'm sure it's a mixture of both hilarious stories about the schmoes that call in and pleas for help.

Though I have had some pretty sad calls lately and I'm wondering if it would be totally inappropriate to send one of the people I talked to a christmas card. Withouth asking a supervisor what do you think?

I'm having a party tomorrow. Which of course you are all invited to, your intvitations are still sitting on my coffee table because I've been so busy cleaning and working and sleeping and trying to schmooze with my grandmother to get money [I ain't too proud to beg] that I totally forgot to the send them. Pretty schmucky. If you can't remember where I live just give me a call and I'll give you directions.

Grandma did give me a whole $300 to get a new washing machine since mine has crapped out and ended up flooding part of my apartment. That was awesome. That was fun. That really pisses me off. I haven't gotten it yet because decisisons decisions.

What else is happening....Wedding on December 29. I am supposed to bring a guest. Open bar. Shouldn't be too hard.

Christmas Party for work next weekend. These people are crazy, another open bar but this time the threat of getting drunk and telling that supervisor exactly what I think of her.

For example...yesterday we had a department meeting to go over talking to Agents. BORING! But the director started it off by going over how horrible gossip was. Well a certain supervisor sat there nodding her head chomping on her gum with this smug little oh yeah it's so awful and I never ever ever participate. Which is infuriating because she's probably the biggest gossiper around, alas I had to curb my urge to walk across the room and smack that look off her face with a chair. It's hard to do the right thing sometimes.

I HATE BEING IT.

2006-11-13T08:54:00.001-06:00

Thanks ever so much Crate. I don’t even know ten things about myself. But I will try.

Rules:
So the point of this game is you post a blog about ten weird habits/random facts about yourself, and then "tag" ten people who then have to post a blog about their ten weird habits/random facts. You have to tag them in your blog and then post a comment on their page saying that you tagged them. And no tag-backs.

1) I am adopted. And that’s a fact.
2) I say things without thinking, usually embarrassing not only my friends and the person I said it to, but myself as well.
3) I wouldn’t say I’m a hypochondriac, but I definitely pretend to be one. And it’s not just like oh I have a cold, or oh I have stomach thing, it’s full-blown Ebola virus and serious conditions that usually always end up in death and possibly dismemberment.
4) I have a problem liking people. As a general rule, I don’t like anyone. Then when I do end up actually thinking they are a decent person I get mad at them for making me not hate them. Because I am a re-tard.
5) My dog is crazy. Crazy like a fox. A fox that eats pop cans and chews on walls and I’m pretty sure swallowed some Fantasik the other day but yet he’s still kicking.
6) I’m really hungry right now. Oh and I called in sick to work. They had donuts today and it was casual day. It’s my luck to be sick on a good day. Which is why #6 is I’m unlucky. In pretty much everything.
7) I steal music off the Internet [did you know Internet needs to be capitalized? Take it up with word]. Puhlease don’t tell Lars.
8) I pick scabs. I can’t stand them, and if I’ve got one it’s coming off or I’ll go insane knowing its there.
9) When I play solitaire, I can’t stop unless I’ve won. I’ll spend hours [because either I’m not very good at it, or the computer is a cheater cheater pumpkin eater] playing until I win, just so I can get up and go about my normal life.
10) Oh wait! Hey! I used to live in Kuwait. Now that’s a fact Jack.

Woohoo!

I did it! And it wasn’t nearly as painful as I was suspecting it to be. So now I must tag, I don’t actually know if anyone comes here anymore. But here goes:
Dixie
WarCryGirl
Dave
Anainsight
Star
Yelayna

and you! Yes. YOU!

So like I said in #6 I called in sick to work today. I feel like a real a-hole about it too. Even though I actually am sick. Though probably because I’m actually sick. You know, with the whole emotional everyone’s going to hate me and talk bad about me paranoia that comes along with having a cough. What? Please. You do too get that way.

DOMESTIC PARTNERSHIP

2006-10-31T06:52:00.000-06:00

Well hello! I bet you thought I was dead. Or maybe just I just got snotty and didn't want to update. That is not the case, not at all. In fact everyday I'd stare longingly at the computer wishing I was updating instead of sitting listlessly on the couch trying to just make it through Heroes before passing out. I don't know if it's just the job is so exhausting, or I'm getting sick but I have been so freaking tired lately.

But good things have been happening. Yesterday for example I talked to a pervert on the phone. Oh wait...Good things. Well it was kind of funny. Especially when I told him they were recording the conversation and he hung up on me. And no offense...but whats with all the perverts in the New York, Massachusets, Conneticut area? Maybe it just seems weird because of the accent. I'm immune to the Southern pervert. So many of them it doesn't even seem offensive anymore. And yes...I will kick you while wearing high heels but I have a few demands of my own.

Guys can be so gross.

I have much much much more to say...but I just realized what time it was and setting my alarm clock thirty minutes ahead doesn't do much good when I know that it's thirty minutes ahead. If you know what I mean. And since that was pretty clear I hope you do.

I'll leave you with the thought that I don't care if it's lame, and pink may be your least favorite color, but my new phone is totally sweet!

HI HELLO HOLA

2006-10-09T22:38:00.000-05:00

Whats shakin bacon?

Work sucks! but crazy lady is out this whole week and I am calling in sick [cough, cough, hack, spult] on Wednesday because not only did I have a psychic premonition that I will be ill BUT I also should be here when the apartment complex comes by to go through my stuff and look for more mice. This of course prompted me to clean this weekend. Instead I did awkward on Friday [why I did awkward we will never know but apparently I'm obnoxious], and Saturday Squishy had her soccer game which they won! and scored a goal! Proud!! Then she had a special dance class taught by a Houston Texans cheerleader. I'm not saying that to impress you. I'm not even impressed that I met a Houston Texans cheerleader, and I try and impress myself all the time. Then that evening I coughed and did something I haven't done since Squishy was a baby. It's just like I remember it, only it made me feel more tired than I remember. But I did get to hang out with this lady I work with and her funny husband who didn't let me get a sentence out before interrupting to yell something in his guido accent which became more and more prominent the longer I was there. good times.

So I was home very little this weekend and got to zero cleaning. Which wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't had a certain house guest this past week who did little more than sleep all day and stay up all night while I was trying to sleep. You'd think I was talking about Shakespeare but no it was another male who while I love drives me fracking insane. And I didn't tape his show and I'm afraid to tell him. if you are reading this....SORRY!

Speaking of Shakespeare he has been pretty darn awful lately. I'm pretty sure it's because I'm never home, so I'm looking into doggy day care options. Anyone ever done that before? Horror stories? Good ones?

I'm trying to convince Kimberly to be Haratio Cane with me this Halloween. The last discussion had me being Haratio and her being the bush he always seems to materialize out of to say something totally rad. If you want to be my incredibly hot girlfriend that makes everyone wonder what kind of blackmail I have on you to make you want to spend any kind of time with me, just let me know.

And now it's time for bed.

Goodnight hot stuff.

Love you!

Yeah.
You.
< 3

NO TITLE

2006-09-29T07:37:00.000-05:00

This week was employee appreciation week at work. So everyday leading up till friday and the day we can wear pretty much whatever we anyway, we got to wear crazy things. Meaning it was like that week in High School when you got to dress up in ridiculous clothes as long as they didn't interfere with whatever it is they expected you to do in HS. For me it was mostly sleeping and writing notes. anyway i never did it in HS because it seemed dumb. I did however participate this week. And while there was no 80's day or come as the pregnant cheerleader who got knocked up in the back of the quarterbacks car day. I did wear crazy socks, and a hat, and i mismatched, and i wore a blue shirt. They are entirely uncreative in their wear this days.

However because I've felt like ass all week and by that I mean sitting up half the night just knowing that any second I'm going to hurl up everything I've eaten since high school I did kind of half ass it. I apparently look like a mixture between cute and old man in my hat and my socks were not all that crazy but the fact that I rolled my jeans up and looked like "huck finn" was apparently acceptable enough and well blue shirt day...I mean how hard is that really?

Tomorrow is the company picnic complete with kegs and white trash wine [maybe] and other things. Yes. I said other things. Hopefully it means drunk hottie IT guy and no pants. What? A girl can dream right?

DOO DOO DOOBIE DOO

2006-09-24T13:45:00.000-05:00

I must really like the taste of my own foot, because I am continually sticking it in my mouth and making an ass of myself. I'm aware of the fact but yet i'm unable to make myself stop. Last night was no exception when this really cute Asian guy came up to me in target and started asking me questions. I had just grabbed some Harp Lager from the booze aisle and he wanted to know where something was. He talked so softly and I had no idea what he was saying so I just told him I didn't know but he kept asking and he was all up in my personal space and I couldn't think straight so i said something about how I had a mitsubishi. Why I felt he needed to know that information I'll never truly know. I'm sure I figured it would totally impress him that I had a japanese engineered vehicular. He just looked at me funny and said I guess they don't have it and walked away. I'm so dumb!! It's not quite as bad as the time I told this guy that I hadn't realized he had a personality. And not quite as funny as the other day when Kimberly and I went and saw The Black Dhalia and I told this really cute hawked out punk rocker guy to make out with his friend so I could watch. I'm not going to allow myself to speak to people outloud and in person anymore. It just seems I can never ever say the right thing.

Other than that...why are candycorns so damn delicious? I want to eat them all day. Which may be why my tummy has been so upset for the past couple.

Dear WarCryGirl,

Thank you ever so much for the bitchen new CD. Shakespeare and I have been enjoying it immensly and will be sending you something super fantasticly awesome in return very shortly.

Luv!
E-Beth

While I'm at it....

Dear Apartment complex-

Please stop ripping the dead mice off the sticky pads o'death and just putting them back down next my refrigerator. That is nasty and I can see the little tufts of fur. I don't know if you are just being cheap or you think it's sanitary but you make enough money from the insane amount of rent i'm now paying you and guess what? Eww!!!! Gross!!!! and other such exclamtions of nasty!!!

No Luv,
E-Beth

Dearest Shakespeare-

If you don't stop barking at the blank wall i'm going to feed you to the next big dog I find. I swear it. Your mighty 'My Bark is Bigger than my Bite' is really starting to grate on my soft brain tissue. Please knock it right the fuck off.

Much appreciation,
Your dear and lovely and super cool owner E-Beth.

EXCLAMATION POINT!

2006-09-18T17:09:00.000-05:00

Yucka! I have some unwanted houseguests. I've named them Mustaine, Coverdale, Brett Michaels, and Nikki Sixx. I'm not sure how many of them there are but I figured four names were good. Right now they are squeaking and making quite a raucous which is bothering not only me but Shakespeare as well. I should maybe clarify. These houseguests are vermin. Yes. I have mice. And three of them fell into the nasty little sticky traps the apartment complex laid out for them by my refrigerator. So grody. Maybe more than that since I didn't investigate under the sink where the other trap was set. Poor Nikki, Mustaine, and Brett. Well not really because I'm a heartless enemy of Peta. They were all twitchy and stuff. GROSS. And the maintenance guy that just came over told me to not check it in the middle of the night because then I would just call him and he didn't want to come over in the middle of the night to dispose of them. I also do not want rotting mouse corpses by my refrigerator. But whatever. I really thought I'd come home and find Shakespeare with glue traps stuck to his paws and the mice doing some kind of crazy ritual dance around him with little headdresses on. I probably watch too many children’s movies. Instead I came home to find that Shakespeare had gone insane from listening to their squeaks of distress and had eaten some wooden coasters that my parents had given me from when we lived in Kuwait and the handle to one of my vintage cameras. I'm blaming it on being insane because otherwise he was just being naughty and I'm too grossed out to yell at him right now. Shudder.

It was just a day for being grossed out apparently. Because since I took the day off of work I went and got coffee with Kimberly and this girl in starbucks made me so grossed out I had to leave. I just will never understand nasty girls who don't shave their armpits and wear tank tops. But I refuse to ruin my pumpkin spice goodness by having to look at them. She was filling out an application. They better make her shave before she touches my cup o' coffee. Yes I'm sure that the Cutie McHotest Barista ever that gave me a venti when I ordered a tall has some nasty habits of his own that I'm glad I don't know about since he is serving me things that go in my mouth [Oh I only wish pervert!!] but since I don't know about them and he is Cutie McHottness I will pretend he baths four times a day in anti-microbial water with a loofah.

MICE! EWW!!!

So yeah. I got the day off from work. Which is AWESOME because work sucks. But it ruins it a little since I have to work this coming Saturday. Jerks. I always kinda hate taking days off of work because then I feel like I'm missing something but with this job I'm just really regretting that I have to go tomorrow. Because it now feels like Saturday and I should have at least ONE more day off.

I did do some fun things like going to the shoe store with Kimberly and trying on ridiculous shoes that I would never buy even if I did have tons of money to just throw away. It seems all the really cute ones were either too uncomfortable to wear like, ever, or so expensive I was afraid to put my foot in them for fear that I'd somehow mess them up and then I would have to shell out crazy amounts of moolah I do not have. Then we went to lunch with my mom and that is always fun because Momma Geek is a crazy nut whom everyone loves.

OOO More mice news cuortosey of Ned the property maintenance man and all around pervy old dude who calls me sweetie pie and thinks Shakespeare is a girl dog even though he parades his boy bits around for everyone to see. He says I can call him if the big mouse gets trapped tonight because she will probably create a fuss. He said they were baby mice trapped and she'll probably come looking for her little hair band children. Great. Tawny Kitean [which I've just now named her] will probably eat my face in the middle of the night because I killed her children. Wonderful. Can I please PLEASE sleep on your couch tonight? We'll be good I swear it! I'm going to go die now. If you'll excuse me.

OOOOOOOH SO KISS ME GOODBYE

2006-09-13T22:28:00.000-05:00

You guys and gals ... mostly gals... are awesome! AWESOME! And I will make each one of you that is sending me a mix CD a super cool special surprise present. Yes. i will.

Lets see whats been happening...well i went to Grapefest this past weekend. which was fun...but it was hot and we were all soaking wet by the end of the day. still though lots of fun and there was really good wine and really awesome carnies.

Squishy and i started reading Bunnicula which is a fantastic book and you should read it even if you do not have children. I mean who wouldn't like a vampire rabbit who sucks the color out of veggies? weirdos.

Thats pretty much it since last week, I miss updating and I can't believe I have so little to say because I'm sure things have been happening.

Oh like today when I stabbed myself with a staple and now I think there is a little piece of the metal stuck in my finger which is all red and hurty. I might end up with a staph infection and then who knows! probably necrotizing fasciitis or gangrene. Will you still be my friend when I'm missing a finger?

WORDS AND WORDS AND MORE WORDS...THEN K-FED

2006-09-07T22:47:00.000-05:00

I should probably be sleeping right now seeing as how I have to get up for work in the AM but since I'm not and probably I should blame the upgraded venti pumpkin spice latte I just finished drinking from Starbucks. Upgraded because when I say things to the Barista's at Starbucks like "You could accidentally put that tall in a Venti cup" I don't always expect them to do it, but when they do, like tonight, it's so cool I can't NOT drink the yummy pumpkiny goodness. Oh and it is good. Then Kimberly came over and I decided to see if a website I made forever ago was still active. Thank you geocities for keeping the dream alive. Or in reality the memories alive.

See before I started this here blog I fancied myself a real clever lass who made fake news stories and wrote them down. You can check it out here: You've Been Asking The Wrong Person. I'm going to go ahead and claim that the July Headline Archive may be the funniest thing I've ever written. If only because Mr. Tiger [you'll see] actually exists and the only thing that ISN'T true in that story is the part where the apartment explodes.

Oh the people you meet in shady apartment complexes on warm July evenings.

What else to report. Work is still work but right now with my hyper caffeine high I'm having trouble finding bad things to say about it. Also my 90 days are up! So this means Monday September 18 I will be not going to work but instead sleeping in and then going to the dentist. WHILE all my work buddies are listening to old folks tell outrageous lies and get snotty when you ask them to verify their date of birth. Sorry but I'd wear that 1928 like a badge of honor. Yeah bitches. NINETEEN TWENTY EIGHT. Respect my senality!

Shakespeare has eaten another dr. pepper can so i will gladly pay for shipping if anyone wants a living breathing garbage disposal. NO! There is no catch. I swear. Luvable.

Oh! I finally saw Star Wars, the original ones. I'm working my way from release date and I must say I'm very sad that I never saw them until now. Enjoyed them did I. Man I need a life. Or more coffee.

Also. I'm sick of all my music. ever get that way? When you've listened to everything a million times and the thought of listening to your CDs makes you think about just turning off the radio alltogether and just listening to silence while you drive. You don't because that's creepy, but you entertain the idea. Maybe even threaten your CDs just a little bit. "If you don't entertain me when I put you in I'm so totally going to make you into a coaster! Don't F with me!" I need new music. I need it soon. I need suggestions. And possibly a mix CD. hint. Hint.

2006-09-07T21:31:00.000-05:00

JGFJGFJYTA

2006-08-27T22:42:00.000-05:00

Took me long enough to reply huh. Well no one actually got what the new tattoo is, though I was intrigued by Mr. Brock Sampsons interpretation. I may go with that when I get more blank stares for what it actually is. Which is a constellation. More specifically Orion.

I was a little surprised how few people knew what that was. I get not knowing what it looks like but not even knowing that it was a constellation kind of confuses me into sadness. I suppose I shouldn't be all that surprised when Jim Bob down at the 7-11 just doesn't get it, but I still sorta am.

Now....How to control myself from going back next weekend and getting another one. Because I need it. Want it. Can't wait to feel it. Or something.

Oh on the more cool news Holy Crap front. I got a new car. So you will be reading no more Whoa is Me! stories on how my car wouldn't start some morning. Sorry. But if for some chance this car starts acting up in the near future you can rest assured I'm moving to a place that allows me to shun owning a vehicular. Cuz damn, and such.

I only have a couple more days of gloating before I really start to piss everyone off. Luckily my best friend [the dear sweet anonymous Kimberly] has yet to tell me she's going to murder me for it. I'm sure it's coming, though she'll probably more subtle than Mikey and Lauren have been with all the I'm going to throw you off the first cliff I see and I hope Shakespeare eats your face while you sleeps. Really. There is no need for violence.

I can't believe how little I've been updating. I'm going to have to have a talk with the president of the company I work for next time we are in the elevator together. A little something about how he needs to provide more internet time so I can update my blog and No absolutely not I will not give you the address here Mr. [name I'm not going to type because I need this fracking job].

I've taken tons of pictures and I can't get my camera to work with this computer. Damn Macintosh and it's inability to co-exist with my camera. Those commercials lied to me. But I will survive. Especially since I'm in love with a guy that works at the apple store and now I have excuses to take my computer in for maintenance. Even if it doesn't need it. Yes. I am lame like that.

WELL HELLO AGAIN

2006-08-21T21:41:00.000-05:00

I've been told that I have been completely remiss on updating. I guess I didn't realize how long it had been. Not that I didn't think about updating everyday it was just actually making myself sit down at the computer. Or sitting down at the computer and having internet. Which luckily I do have now again. I suppose a lot has happened in the past couple weeks. So I'll just make a list to catch you up since writing 700 paragraphs is not on my list of things to do tonight. Especially since Damn I'm tired and Damn it's hot.

My car broke down again. Yes thats right again. But this time my dad finally agreed to let me take it to a shop that knows a little something about foreign made cars. So while it might cost a little more, at least I'll have some assurance that it will work. Oh who am I kidding...just because they work on Mitsubishi's doesn't mean they actually know anything about them. Hopefully though it will work more than twice a week. As for right now I'm driving my dads Jeep and seriously thinking about just never giving it back. Especially after the surprise butt warmer incident on Sunday night. [You know you loved it!]

Work. Sucks. I could really leave it at that but then you wouldn't get to hear about how there has been no air conditioning in the building and I almost passed out at my desk yesterdat. Whats that you say? Yes you're right they should have let us go home since it was 107 and no a/c = fracking insane. But instead we got to sit there and I'm proud to announce I did a whole lot of zero work. That is, I answered the phones, probably gave incorrect information because I really could have given a flying rats ass about anything but jumping into a lake of ice cubes, and in between my 80 something calls I stared of into space and pretended that Johnny Depp and I were hanging out on the beach. Only my 85 degree water that 15 minutes earlier had, had ice in it reminded me very little of a pina colada. Ah well. Le sigh. And such.

My lease is up in my apartment. So after receiving my letter from the apartment complex where they deemed it entirely necessary to raise my rent $100 I decided to move out. Though every place I've looked so far has either been perfect but too expensive, within my budget and so not perfect it's not even kind of acceptable. For example. The place I looked at on Sunday was right within my budget. It had a nice floor plan, two nice sized bedrooms, pretty okay kitchen EXCEPT for that little disgusting problem of being infested with roaches. That's right BLOODY FUCKING ROACHES. And I do not use the word "infested" lightly. Hundreds, neigh thousands [okay that might be a slight exaggeration but I didn't rip open a wall so maybe it's not] were crawling around all over the place. Oh but don't worry lady because we just sprayed yesterday so they'll all be dead soon. I think not Roy. I think you can shove that hell hole right up your nalga. Also he was mucho creepy in a child molestor sort of way so...The End. But I did look at a place today that was perfect in every way except for that pesky problem of them wanting more than my soul is worth in rent. Beautiful though, and if I could possibly in anyway afford it, I'd be moving in as soon as they let me. Alas since nothing seems to be falling into place with this moving out thing and I'd really rather not just move to another apartment and pay about the same, I just decided to stay here. Obviously God does not want me to settle or Roy and the two bedroom would have been a lot nicer. Seriously though folks. ROACHES. I might never be clean again.

And....

I was asked to spend the night by a boy last night. Not even a gay boy. He promised he'd make me a fort and everything. Only problem is, he's like eight and he only likes me because I do fun things. Don't be gross. Fun things like play catch and chase him around the neighborhood. I don't think it's going to work out though because his mom is like so strict with the bed times. Geez lady. It's not like he's six!

Oh wait!

New tattoo! But my stupid camera doesn't work with my stupid new computer [which isn't actually all that stupid]. So you'll just have to stare at this tiny picture I took with my camera phone. enjoy. And if you get what it is I bet I'll love you forever. Doesn't count if I've already told you or I already love you forever.

POWERFUL TASTE DETERRENT

2006-08-07T06:38:00.000-05:00

I received this comment yesterday:

"hope you have a wonderful day you lovely sweet backstabber. if you would like to take out the knife from my back that would be great and then maybe we can go see the decent. unless of course you feel you need to go see it with one of your other friends. i am watching you and keep in mind the hit is very close to your future.

-love-me :)"

So...

Dear Anonymous-

I haven't updated my will. You might want to keep that hit on hold until I do. I have in fact removed the knife from your back so as soon as you are ready we can go see the Decent. Though I'm sure I'm never this melodramatic when you leave me behind to do things with that "other" person. Then again...I probably am. This seeing other people thing really isn't working out for either of us. Too much jealousy.

Love-
Moi

Anyway. This all started because I finally broke down and watched Brokeback Mountain which I was supposed to watch with a certain person whom I adore greatly and is in fact [besides Grace] my favorite person in the universe. But I was bored Saturday night so I just watched it. I regret it fully. I hate to say it, but besides the scenes where Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaall were doing intimate things with each other...I didn't really like it. I was so depressed at the end I stayed in bed all day Sunday. Then I went and saw Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby and it was hilarious so I felt much better. Maybe subconsicously I realized that I shouldn't be watching it at all without Kimberly and that ruined the experience. Or maybe it just really is crap. Beautiful crap, but still crap. Please don't send me hate mail if this movie changed your life and it's your most favoritist thing ever. Because I'm sorry I didn't like it. Sorrier than you know, I wanted to love it. I can't though.

Last night I had a dream about work. And now I'm about to leave for work. I feel like I should get the day off, since my brain has been there already and completed everything. It's going to be really busy today, and I just know I'm going to get in trouble for going not ready because I can't seem to catch up. But I'm okay with that.

I thought I had stuff to say today...but it looks like I don't.

BUGGER

2006-08-02T23:05:00.000-05:00

I wish I could express to you through hand gestures and interpretive dance how much my car is pissing me off. Since I can't I'll just show you through random letters and symbols. Observe:

a;lkjf;alkf;.lakjsdlk;fjdsflkajsd;li&)*&)*&#)*&JLKJL KJL:KJ)D*&)*@#ULKJlkjao8u0)*jl)*&)*oikjliyu)*#&$)*u#lk lots of K's and L's. Because those are very angry letters! apparently.

I took it to get fixed. While it was there they kept calling to tell me that nothing whatsoever was wrong with the car. Which is strange since that pesky problem of NOT STARTING seems, at least to me, to be a problem. But it just hates me I guess. Though when I went to pick it up on Monday it was indeed working. Though if I were to oh say stop for any reason as I am wont to do when I see a stop sign [okay not really] or red light [yet again] but I must do because the law says you must do that, it would just die again. Stupid car. So my dad decided that maybe just the battery coil was corroded and he would clean it. So today he did just that. Unfortunantly it only worked temporarily and when I tried to go to the store tonight after Ariel funked up my house [see: Boys are gross!!!] it wouldn't get very far. In fact it wouldn't get down the street. So I called my mom and now I'm driving their jeep. Which is super nice, not quite as nice as the Navigator but still super nice. And my dad is going to try driving my bunk car all day tomorrow.

I feel bad that his solution didn't work. Like I've somehow bruised his ego. He hasn't said that, but I still can't help feeling like that. How dumb of me. I suppose. But GAH!!! So if anyone wants to donate to the E-Beth needs a new car and she doesn't have enough money fund, just let me know. I'll make you a mix CD. Well hell if you write me sweet things about how my car doesn't deserve my love and should repent it's evil not working ways I can probably be persueded to make you a mix CD anyway.

Now if you'll excuse me. I'm going to go pass out. Concert tomorrow night. The Theater Fire. Well okay I suppose it's a concert tonight if you are reading this and it's already Thursday. Which it almost technically is anyway.

Reproduction Song

AMERICA'S NEXT TOP SOB STORY

2006-07-27T06:56:00.000-05:00

My awesome piece of shit car died. Died not quite as spectacularly as I would have expected a car named Jet Li to do. Then again I don't really have a knack for naming things. Way back in March at my birthday my battery died, or what I thought was my battery. I had this awful moment of "What if it's my alternator" but it didn't seem to be so I didn't worry about it. Now that it's dead again with suspiciously similar circumstances I'm pretty convinced it is in fact not the battery. The morning of it's death it wouldn't start so this nice guy in my apartment complex jumped it, I was able to get to work just fine and when I got there I turned it off and restarted it just to see if it would. It did. But then at my break two hours later [I'll bitch about their fucked up break schedules later] it wouldn't start again. Then 45 minutes after my break during lunch it worked even less then it had before. Ugh! Bleck! Gag! Shit! Bugger!

I want a new car!! A car that drives itself to Kwik Kar when it's time for oil changes. A car that cleans itself too because DAMN! I have a lot of shit. We cleaned it out Monday night but only the front and back seats. The back end is still full of junk/trash/more junk. I need to take it to get fixed after work, I just keep not doing it. Maybe because now that I'm driving my parents Lincoln Navigator I have no motivation to get it fixed. Seriously pimping the Navigator. Seriously loving the Navigator. I could get used to driving that bad ass beast. I could not however get used to putting $85 worth of gas in it every 353 miles or so. Yikes!

BUT....

Another day...another day I wish I wasn't at my job. I know I complain a lot when I should just be thanking God I have a job, but those people are scary. Scary Nazis. Scary stupid. Scary should be locked up so as not to ruin everyone's life scary. In weirdo [long term care insurance] world taking a break in the morning and then taking lunch less than an hour later is a great idea. In fact being exhausted and overwhelmed after lunch makes you more productive. I don't know if common sense is something you must check at the door or leave in your car or at home but these people obviously followed that rule.

They also don't want employees. They want good little robots that never complain, and are able to key 740,000 things while also answering calls and keeping a smile on your face. I am not that person. Especially not the smile bit. I can barely keep a smile on my face when I'm doing something I really enjoy. There is this one supervisor who I've yet to come up with a good nickname for, at least a nickname I can say at work where if someone overheard me they wouldn't be shocked by my choice and colorful language. I don't feel alone when I say I don't like her, because I'm not the only. Though I'm sure there are some kiss asses that like her. Anyway she thinks she is so smooooooth, for example if you say something [anything that might be negative] she will walk up with a big shit eating grin and say "Do you have any questions?". It's like she has some negativity radar. My super mega bitch radar goes wild every time she comes near my desk. It's convenient and annoying all rolled into one.

So Friday of last week, which happens to be our short day, we had to go listen in on phone early, and I figured short day which is also a slow day they'll just let us key all day instead of sitting there watching someone else key work. Boy howdy was I wrong. Well she heard me whisper to Lauren that I had a shit load of work to do. So she comes over asks if I had any questions which is stupid because I didn't even pose a question to Lauren. I didn't even comment to Lauren loud enough for anyone to hear. At least anyone that doesn't have supersonic psycho hearing. Then later pulls me into a conference room to tell me that expressing my opinion if it is not happy just looks negative and they don't want to project that image or some such bullshit. Yay! I have an attitude problem. I sucked it up and apologized because however much I bitch, I still need this retarded job.

Maybe there is a drug I can take that will suck out my personality for 8 1/2 hours a day. Oh and this Friday...no such luck on the short day. It's mandatory overtime. I really wish she'd live, eat, breathe, and sleep asbestos instead of customer service.

Wow. I had a lot to say. Leave me a comment so I'll have something to live for while I'm at work.

no title

2006-07-24T07:13:00.000-05:00

I really REALLY don’t want to go to work today, so if someone could make it possible for me to sit on my couch and watch television all day but still get paid that would be great! Where is Synergy when I need her?!

This weekend was good, I saw Lady in the Water on Friday night with Kimberly and Ariel. Then on Saturday afternoon I saw it again with Lauren. For now because I have to leave for work in 10 minutes I’ll just say that I loved it. And that I’m a little bit in love with Paul Giamatti.

I also got in trouble at work on Friday because I voiced dissent about the job and apparently that looks “Really Negative” and I “don’t want people to think I have an attitude problem”. I was pulled away from work and everything to be told this. I can’t tell you how much willpower it took not to say things like Maybe if you knew how to do your f-ing job…etc. I didn’t. Though I’ve also seriously entertained thoughts of walking out in the middle of the day lately. I’m a little surprised I feel so shitty towards this job. Oh well. Time to leave for another day of. I’ll fully bitch about it later.

E-beth --

[noun]:

A deadly strain of projectiile vomit

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

OH YOU.....

2006-07-20T06:55:00.000-05:00

Today is Squishy's birthday, but I only get to tell her Happy Birthday over the phone because she's on an RV trip with my parents. I wish I was on an RV trip with my parents and I didn't have to go to stupid work with all its stupidness.

So yay! Happy sixth birthday for Squishy!

Shakespeare my other child. The bad one. The one that is stinking up the place because he decided to eat a bottle of cortisone cream. It was really more of a gel. Never tasted the stuff myself so I wouldn't know if it is as yummy as it is unappetizing while looking at it, but nevertheless it has upset his stomach and I'd laugh and say he deserved what he got but I'm the one that has to clean up. Yeah. Eww.

OH crap I forgot I needed to get gas this morning.

I hate that shit.

WRANGLING FEAR IS THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE...

2006-07-17T18:54:00.000-05:00

Sadly it's truer than I would have expected:

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

I do NOT want to go to work tomorrow, we are >--< this close to being on the phones and I'm dreading it. I'm dreading it like an expected physical pain. We had phone training...excuse me...we had "Phone Training" on Friday. Meaning that instead of getting off at 2:30 like I normally do I had to stay till 5:30 and sort of, but not really learn how to be on the phones. It was mostly a bunch of "What not to says" and how hold should only be for twenty seconds. Apparently they are just THAT good that they can find whatever it is they are looking for in twenty seconds. I on the other hand cannot find my keys in the morning in twenty seconds. And I put them in the same place everyday. That my friends is why I am a ruh-tard.

Honestly I thought it was a little unprofessional. Especially since we listened in on phone calls and determined if we thought they did a good job or not. They did not. Not one of them. In fact, the person that they listened to some people knew, so it was I'm sure awkward for them. Then they gave us a list of things overheard on calls that are Totally and unequivocally and positively NOT to be said to people. Like for example "I don't make the rules, I just answer the phones" Which is funny, in a not really because the girl that said it [i.e. -The Voice, as we have dubbed her] knew it was her and looked so pissed. Okay so that was kind of a lot of funny, even though she's been nice to me the past couple weeks. It doesn't excuse her from being rude to the old people and having the most gawd awful annoying voice in the history of ever.

So yes. I don't want to be on the phones, I'm just mastering half the crap they taught us in the past week. And starting today [yesterday] they installed new lights or fixed the lights or something by my cubicle so now it's too bright. Man I'm whiney. But those lights give me headaches, and just aggravate the headaches I already have been getting everyday.

I looked up the symptoms of Mononucleosis today because I've been really tired and I've had a sore throat. If you've read this before you should probably already know that I am a hypochondriac so when I read that some of the other things I've been complaining about recently are actual symptoms I self diagnosed myself. Unfortunantly I do not have my MD or I would write myself a note saying I can come to work but I can not under any circumstances be on the phones.

I just finished watching The Brothers Grimm, now I suppose I will go to sleep. Since I'm so fatigued and all. YAWN!

OH and ALSO. New band this week. I actually did something!

THE WAY I SEE IT # 141

2006-07-13T00:51:00.000-05:00

Work was kicking my ass today. Not because it was hard, but because I would have rather been doing anything else than sitting there listening to the most boringest stuff ever. Especially since I taught myself how to do half of it and it was way less confusing than the way Mrs. Can’tPronounceWordsCorrectly is making it. Oh yeah, back in training for ½ days, really it’s just enough of the day to make getting anything actual work related completed impossible.

I was in a foul mood while at work and I’m in another one now. My right hand is all swollen because some damn mosquitoes decided it would be a great place to steal my blood and inject their poisons. The anti-itch cream I kept putting on it at work did very little to actually stop the itching and it did a lot to make my hand look all greasy and feel unclean. This means I used 40 little packets because I had to go wash my hands every seven minutes. I really thought about just chopping my fingers off. That would have taken care of it. A permanent solution to my temporary problem. That’ll show those mo-skeet-O’s. Though that’s not the only reason I was in a bad mood today it’s just the most painful and itchy.

After work I went to CareNow which is really just an expensive pretend emergency care facility. When I went there I told them that I was having an allergic reaction and I needed a Cortisone shot, but of course since I know nothing and they know everything they blew me off and made me sit for 2 hours with a “Oh, we’ll see about that”. When I finally got into a room and the doctor finally decided to come in there he told me what I already knew and what I already told them and I got my cortisone shot. Of course even with insurance now it still cost me $204. $204 for less than a minute with an idiot doctor who doesn’t know his Endocrine system from his Integumentary system, $204 to see a doctor who told me something I already know. What a waste of money. It’s not like I was asking for oxy-contin to feed my pain killer habit. Which I may have gotten if someone [cough Michael cough] hadn’t stolen them. I’m on to you shyster.

So after that Kimberly and I hung out and I made her a mix CD which I will now show you a picture of, greatness.

Click on it to make it all big and stuff.

Oh my gosh! I didn't even tell you about the death certificate I was processing that just happened to be a homocide. Who kills 80 year olds and dumps their bodies in wells? Sickos.

LATER

2006-07-10T07:25:00.000-05:00

TEN Days since I updated? That might be some kind of record for me. Though probably not. I will have to remedy this when I get home from work today....or if I work up the nerve to send an update through e-mail like I did that one time. All the rules are freaking me out.

DAFT AS A BRUSH

2006-06-30T06:42:00.000-05:00

Six and half hours till a four day weekend! I'm shaking with excitement...or maybe thats just from staying up too late last night. I'd blame Michael but he actually went to bed before me. Though because of him Shakespeare paced the bed all night and whined, Michael took his spot. You wouldn't think he'd mind so much since he's in love with Michael and gets so excited he can't sit still for even one second. Doesn't get that excited for anyone else, it's cute, it's also annoying.

Work! Let me tell you about this company I work for. Yesterday we had a party to celebrate our quarterly meeting being over and then Kyle from HR was leaving for another division, of course the party was optional and you could leave work while still getting paid for the whole day. But who could really pass up a chance to drink beer at work. Seriously I have never worked for a place that gave you booze while on site. I have never before seen Corona and Shiner Bock in a can though, and apparently it's widely [if the amount in the coolers is any indication] available. They also had Bellini's and Margaritas. I wonder if they stayed at work all night drunkenly toasting each other on left over Champagne after the bellini mix ran out. Hard to believe so many of those people were drinking too. They seem so uptight normally, but throw a few beers in them and they are ready for anything.

Dear Anonymous aka: Sugar pie honey bunch -

I love you too. Of course! And thanks for taking care of that little problem for me. Say hi to Eddo.

The coolest person you know,

E-Beth

HUMP DAY...AGAIN...Stupid Wednesday

2006-06-28T06:53:00.000-05:00

I could...But I won't.

Seriously not in the mood for stories right now. Though I will tell you about the guy at work that wears the same clothes everyday. Maybe they are different clothes, but it's like he owns a closet full of clothing that looks exactly the same. Every time I see him [which is pretty much everyday] he's wearing a black t-shirt with a blue button up tucked into black slacks and black shoes. Every. Day. No exceptions. Come rain or shine. He's like the office Adrian Monk. Only he doesn't seem all that smart, and I bet his OCD centers more around how someone one time mentioned that he looked nice in that get up[wasn't me!] and now he only wears it. Just waiting for the day when someone else will mention it. Though in reality it would be sarcastic and more like "OH WOW! Nice outfit...Is it new?" and then cue chuckling as they walk away.

By the way...how charming is Tony Shaloub as Monk? He makes obsessive compulsive seem sweet and you wouldn't even mind walking around with him handing him wet ones every time he touched something.

It's 68 degrees right now outside, and inside my apartment it's freezing. It won't stay cool outside since this is of course Texas and it just wouldn't be summer without the threat of your skin melting off.

WE CAN LIVE LIKE JACK AND SALLY IF WE WANT

2006-06-26T22:40:00.000-05:00

Things I'll be able to do now that I have internet at work:

Type and delete GMail 80 times a day but never actually hitting enter or go for fear that the evil computer trolls will catch me doing something non-work related.

Not updating my diary because they have bamboo they are just itching to shove up my fingernails.

Okay maybe I'll update once in a while, I mean they can't freaking watch me constantly.

OUCH!

Superpages really should have webmail.

I suppose it's good to know that it's all out there. Just within reach and if I ever work up the courage to go get me some internet information I will be able to no problemo. Maybe in August when my 90 day probationary period is up. Too easy for them to fire me now. And after all I've done for those people. GEEZ! Also I'd feel really bad talking shit about them while I was there. Yeah so okay I didn't seem to have a problem doing that when I was at [insert communications company here] but, BUT they totally deserved it and I actually think [don't pass out] there are nice people here.

Even if this lady totally does have a crush on me. Seriously! The first time [that I know of] that I've been checked out by another woman. I'd be offended if I wasn't so flattered. And she's a Vice President no less. Maybe I shouldn't be talking about this. So sssshhhhh don't tell.

Anyway a really fun story about someone that talks to themselves in third person, yes I did just say that, will be forthcoming. Don't get too excited. It's not anyone I know anymore, it'll be one of those flashback, remember when I lived in Kuwait and I hardly ever talk about it but this is why because I'm scarred for life, moments. Excited? Well you probably shouldn't be SO excited.

And now for your enjoyment some of the pictures I've taken recently...and fairly recently with my camera phone:

2006-06-21T13:36:00.000-05:00

Updating...through e-mail. Technology is grand! I hope this works, I guess I'll find out when I get home since checking to make sure is impossible with the hideous restrictions placed upon me by "The Man".

So let me tell you a little story about this morning and the tragedy that happened at Starbucks. I went to get coffee and a scone this morning since I was running a little early. Strangely there was not a giant line for the drive through, yes I know how lazy of me....whatever. Anyway when I got up the window I had to wait while a new guy made my coffee [which ended up tasting not so good], the guy training him started talking to me which just happened to be an awful thing because he was one of those people that makes you forget your name for a few minutes just because he smiled and you get lost for just a second. There was no hope of remembering I had something besides the coffee. I probably would have paid and driven off with nothing if he hadn't told me repeatedly that it would be ready shortly and then something about how when he first tried the banana crème frap a choir of angels descended and serenaded him. It is really good by the way, I got a sample of it while I waited. Though almost immediately after driving off I dropped my lip gloss in it. Klutzy I am. And more importantly, NO SCONE! How will I go on? Oh well actually I'm pretty full now and really not worth going back for. I forget that I hate going to that particular Starbucks in the mornings. They suck.

That's pretty much the most exciting thing to happen today, because I'm at work and well...you know.

THOUGH...in three weeks Crate! is coming to Texas. I'm this weird combination of excited and nervous. I'm not nearly as cool in person, hopefully he won't hold that against me. Oh who am I kidding, I'm way cooler.

The battery is dead on my iPod because I'm dumb and I didn't charge it last night or bring the charger with me today. That's going to suck. I'm going to have to listen to my thoughts, and that won't be a good thing. Although...it's been on shuffle all day and it's pretty much played The Sneaker Pimps exclusively. Not a bad thing, but it must be in a mood. What mood that is, I'm not sure. Right now though The Counting Crows are singing to me Sha la la la la la la la.

Three weeks! Holy shit. I have to start cleaning now.

LALALALA

2006-06-20T07:19:00.000-05:00

so much to say...no time to type it. I tried getting on the internet again at work, apparently USPS is the only website that is available for me to use. I'm really disappointed because while for right now when the job is still new thats okay but when I become more comfortable and I want to do some serious slacking off I won't be able to. unless my idea of slacking and good times become searching for zip codes on USPS.com. Highly doubtful though. I'm wondering if I should switch back to diaryland so I can send entries by e-mail. Can you still do that?

Snakes on a Plane.

WORK WORK WORK HOW MANY TIMES CAN I SAY WORK?

2006-06-12T22:01:00.001-05:00

Work! Work work work work work. Man it's a lot of work. Especially since I've been out of work for almost a year. Working for my parents doesn't totally count since I worked from home and I ended up doing lots of lazy things like watching TV, hanging out with Kimberly, and talking to Crate!! all day long.

I'm studying [okay taking a break from studying] for a test I have tomorrow [Tuesday]. I can't take it, If I ever find myself with insomnia again I know I can just pick up the study guide provided so kindly to us and I'll be asleep in seconds. I can barely keep my eyes open but I can't give up. If I don't pass the test I don't' have a job and that is just not acceptable.

I'm listening to CSI: Miami right now and they have the most ridiculous ways of solving crimes. They figured out who killed a girl by how she was redressed. Obviously if someone is from Connecticut and they have moved to Miami and they happen to kill someone they will re-dress them with pantyhose on because they are just THAT stupid. Obviously. Damn Horatio! You're job is like the easiest thing like EVER! So to be you I just need to be creepier and be able to brood a lot.

Okay so surprisingly I have made a new friend at work. It's almost creepy because our names are interchangeable; meaning her middle name is my first name and vice versa. Also we are both adopted and have a wicked sense of humor. Also the fact that we both adore teasing this one particular guy in class [who secretly loves it and gives it just as good as he gets it] doesn't hurt.

Vive Le Josh!

SOME STUFF AND THEN OH YOU!

2006-06-09T07:04:00.000-05:00

Alright! It's Friday!!! NO work for two and half glorious days!! I like these summer hours. Even though on Tuesday next week we have our "BIG test" which I'm worried about because it's one of those you don't pass you don't have a job type situations. Acronyms scare me, I picked the wrong field to get a job in then. Other then that I have revised my training sucks motto after the past couple of days has been actually quite enjoyable. Even though getting hit with three rubberbands right in the neck hurts. Hurts bad. Actually it didn't hurt that bad, in fact it didn't even leave a mark.

Several other reasons I'm glad for the weekend, one being that I'll have more time to spend with Shakespeare and make sure he's not getting into trouble. He's lonely and bored and getting destructive and loud. I don't know if I'll be able to keep him, I suppose if he was an older dog it would be different but he's a puppy and has all that energy which is getting him in trouble when I get home and find bad things. I restrict his access to parts of the house but I still can't get him into his "house" for more than 5 hours without more bad things happening that end up with baths and lots of eww gross WHY!s. Though I know why. And poor baby.

Last night I dreamed that I was at my apartment and I had invited a group of people over that I mostly didn't know, though you were there, you were there, and you were there! You wanted to watch Sahara but for some reason it wasn't in its case and I was frantically searching for it because it's not mine. Then I forced everyone to watch Killer Klowns from Outer Space and episodes of House. I don't get it.

I watched So You Think You Can Dance last night. And the night before. And even before that. I think this has become one of my shows and I was only going to watch it for a second, just until L&O:CI came on. I swear! I want to punch Cat Deeley right in the larynx.

YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE...

2006-06-07T07:02:00.000-05:00

Another day, another dollar I won't see for two weeks. Not that I'm complaining, wouldn't want you to think I was complaining. In fact because of one certain blogger named Dixie I now have in my grubby little hand a copy of Decemberunderground and that is a wonderful thing. So far so good.

IN THE MORNING BEFORE WORK Vol: 1...correct spelling optional

2006-06-06T07:20:00.000-05:00

Work. What really can I say. I never thought it was going to be the most fascinating thing I've ever done, but I also never quite expected to spend most of the time having realistic fantasties about choking someone. I can see my hands around their neck at times, it's frightening. Of course as soon as the actual job starts and training ends things should be less boring. It's all the down time in training that gets me, and while shooting the shit with the pretty cool people I've met in class has proven to be good times indeed it still can only erase so much of the hideous pain boredom produces.

I tried to check my e-mail from there the other day but I was swiftly cock-blocked by their shady firewalls or more accuratly lameness. I'm in a freezing cold bubble while I'm in there with my only link to the outside world being text messages sent on the sly when the instructor is helping my fantasy choking victim. I get a lot of text messaging done. I did find a friend and we do share a weird coincidence, her first name is my middle name and her middle name is my first name. Creepy.

I found this weird thing on my stomach this weekend. Weird in the sense that it didn't belong there and also in the OMG what the hell is that why is it red and sticking out. Turns out Kimberly was right it WASN'T a brown recluse bite like I had convinced myself. And after flashing everyone in my family it turns out to just be something normal. Geez. I was really worried for a while though, but then again I'm a master of hypochondria. Unless of course I'm actually sick, then I just know I can walk it off. But if I have phantom symptoms I can work myself into a panic attack.

Oh crap. I gotta go to work. Forget about getting gas now. Ta!

UGH BLAH GUH AND SEVERAL OTHERS

2006-06-01T06:47:00.000-05:00

Very funny you guys but making my smoke detector start beeping at 2am when I have to get up in a couple hours wasn’t all that funny. Thank God for the internet that teaches you to remove the battery or just start pushing and moving levers on it till it stops. Since my apartment has 3 more I’m not so worried that this one may not be in working order. Especially since I can now go back to sleep. That is of course if I can find some sort of antacid before my esophagus erodes completely.

So while I have you here I might as well talk about the new job. It’s going pretty well so far. Two days in and I’ve successfully learned how to Ctrl-alt-delete my way into logging in out and out of a computer, it took me a while, I won’t lie, but luckily we got 45 minutes to practice. That was day one with some “Here learn 800 acronyms for things we could just say but we won’t because that would be EFL [or Extremely Fucking Lame] or NAC [Not As Cool]”. I failed the first quiz which we had yesterday [I want to type today because it’s still dark outside]. It doesn’t matter apparently. Which is good because everyone sucked at it and even after they had been collected and I went back over my notes to find the answers there was never one of those DUH [!] moments.

Yesterday people were having trouble following simple instructions like input your user ID and tab to password so there was a bunch of the day just sitting staring at nothing, or trying desperately to not fall asleep by drawing pictures in my notebook. Oh wait I did get in trouble for “Jumping Ahead” but really I was just trying to change the background color and font size in the program we were using because it was hurting my eyes and it was too big. That folks is jumping ahead, which also translates into I’m going to get into someone’s account and screw things up even though we haven’t logged in yet or it could just be chill right out we haven’t logged in yet. Seriously. Not Logged In. Though eventually after lunch we did get to log in. Then log out. Then log back in. Then log back out. Fifty times. Training is awful, but it does keep me off the phones for a while so I’m not going to complain too loudly.

Oh also I’ve had 4 separate people in separate occasions tell me I look like I’m nineteen in the past two days. I’m really not sure yet if I’m flattered or insulted. While looking young is great I don’t want people to think I act like a nineteen year old, because that is less great, bordering on shitty. The guy at B&N on Tuesday night told me and three people at work.

Okay I’m off to buy donuts for people. Why I care if they like me, I’ll never know.

RAMALAMA DAISY

2006-05-29T15:39:00.000-05:00

Squishy had her dance recital this weekend. I'm still all a flutter from the cuteness of the entire thing. Though there were a few moments were I didn't know if I should be watching the show. Especially when this 16 year old boy had his shirt off. Seriously. Not even going to go into the pedder mindset with you right now. He's really good though. Probably the best dancer at the school. That is of course except Little Miss Squish.

She's the little one on the right of your screen. PROUD!

Also this weekend we saw Over The Hedge which was cute but we had to sit all close so my neck was at an awkward angle the whole time. There was a preview for Monster House which looks really cool. I can't believe I'm talking about which kids movies I'm most excited to see.....

Anywho.

This weeks music is brought to you by artists that so kindly wrote or covered a song about working.

Oh yeah Happy Memorial Day and all that.

How To.......

2006-05-28T18:26:00.000-05:00

Or...

I wish the quality of this video was a little worse. All the perfection is making my eyes hurt.

SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING.

2006-05-26T09:53:00.000-05:00

I am really just exhausted today. I suppose the coming home after 3 am and the getting up at 8am could be it. I went to see Snow Patrol last night. A bunch of precious Irish guys. Though I suppose they would be offended being called precious. But we left earlier than expected and saw X-3. I don't know if I loved it or hated it at this point. I'm pretty sure I loved it [except for the part when my husband is making out with not me, I named my band after him and this is the thanks I get] but then again there were some parts that I just wanted to shake someone. Possibly the 15 year old sitting next to me. Not in a pedder kinda way, in a why are they doing this to these characters what the crap is going on will you please shut up for eight seconds so I can finish my Wolverine fantasy, kinda way. I'm never disappointed in Hugh Jackmans ability to loose his shirt though. Le Sigh, and such.

I just got off the phone with my new boss four seconds ago. Apparently since everyone that already works at the company did nice things in the community a couple weeks ago they earned a bunch of casual days. So my whole first week will be spent in jeans and tennis shoes. I don't know their policy on shirts, though hopefully it's of the T variety. I get to save the skirt wearing till my second week.

I'm really nervous about starting this job. I'm always afraid I wont make any friends. Of course at my last job I was so lucky and managed to make a whole bunch of friends. I suppose it's just new kid nervous but I haven't had an office job [except for those two days in hell] in over a year. Working in my pajamas or in between watching Judge Mathis and People's Court has become my favorite thing to do. Or not working at all and shooting the shit with Crate! and hanging out at the mall getting free samples of FlowerBomb with Kimberly. No more 50 cent Tuesdays at the dollar movie. =( No more shooting the shit all day! Can't they just pay me? Do I really need to do actual work?

I suppose it will all be worth it when one day I'm a folk hero.

___________________________________________________________

Pon&Zi

DANCE DANCE

2006-05-23T10:08:00.000-05:00

OOMM sent me this video last night and I must share it with all of you.

If you cannot see it then go here and spend six amazingly funny minutes.

I may seriously be a little in love with this guy.

Ten More Reasons I love Kimberly:

1. She would fly to another state to kill someone if they ever harmed me. That is love. Watch yourself Sadie.

2. She calls to sing me stalker type songs i.e.- "Invisible" By Clay Aiken, just because she knows it will make me happy. Of course in turn I text message her the lyrics so she knows that "If I was invisible I would just watch you in your room, If I was invincible I would make you mine tonight".

3. She gets me to write about how much I love her. I wouldn't do that for just anyone.

4. We can talk on the phone for hours and still have things to talk about. Though usually it gets into a lot of "remember whens".

5. Love letters from boys we've never actually spoken with.

6. Tells me about all kinds of free samples so I too can enjoy the greatness.

7. Using silverware in restaraunts bothers her too.

8. She's an uptown girl...wait, does that make me her back street guy?

9. Her dog might be crazier than mine.

10. She inspired this weeks band. Just because we saw him in concert and she also recognizes the greatness. Okay the cheesiness. Okay the white trashness.

See no sarcasm.

MORNING GLOW

2006-05-22T13:39:00.000-05:00

I had a surprisingly good weekend. Don't get all excited I don't have crazy stories. In fact I didn't do much, but I enjoyed it and I was sad that it was over. Especially since this is now my last week of freedom. Yes. Next Tuesday I start my new job. I finally picked up the package they sent me from my apartment office and I will begin filling out 800 pages of information they just have to have on me. Why do they need to know my first pets name and the street I grew up on? Is it a porn star name game? OOO Do I get to be Ginger CastleRock when I answer phones? Because if so...This may be the best job I've ever had.

I went to lunch with a friend from high school on Sunday. It's funny [but not in a ha ha way] how much I've changed and how much she hasn't. I'm not saying that's a bad thing by any means. It's just I found myself a lot later than she did. Though it was a lot of fun talking about how we used to torture a certain Choir teacher. Sorry Mr. Daniel Oberlender. How ya doin by the way? [I wish he read this]

Of course I got to talk to Crate!! which is never boring and always mucho entertaining. He doesn't even seem to mind that I interrupt him a lot and run errands while I talk to him. I have a problem sitting still it seems.

Then today Scott and I went to lunch. Since he stood me up last week and I was very upset leaving him nasty messages on his work phone. It was fun though. I got to catch up on all the crazy goings on at Phone/Internet Company and he got to hear me complain about well he got to hear me complain. Though after hearing about his sister-in-laws life right now, I don't have much to complain about.

I can't decide on a new band this week so if you haven't downloaded Little Shop of Horrors you still can. Any bands you want to see? Does anyone even pay attention to them?

THIS ONE GOES OUT TO MY GOOD FRIEND

2006-05-21T10:04:00.000-05:00

Ten Reasons Why I love Kimberly:

1. Always calls to tell me about my cool potential boyfriends she sees at gas stations, kwik kars, shady parts of town, in ugly cars, holding reptiles. I mean who doesn't want a guy with tattoos on his neck and dirt under his fingernails?

2. She's the coolest person I know, and I'm the coolest person she knows. It works out well.

3. Scary Scott and the decapitated chicken. I should really re-draw him.

4. Only person who gets why making out with Jeff Foreman in an invisibility cloak is a good idea. I wonder if that stick has dislodged...

5. The only person I could possibly ever want to see deranged radioactive mutant inbred freak movies with. Especially after Wrong Turn. Of course the only person I really want to see The Omen with. Creepy kids.

6. The guy at the Mac counter. Whom we have both coveted since HS although before we knew each other. Also good ideas on different ways we could talk to him...of course we never said anything clever.

7. She always know just the right thing to say when I feel like crap or I need to laugh. Though it's never nice.

8. She probably owes me $7000 and I don't even care.

9. The biggest fight we've ever had was because neither of us would back down when a discussion turned to Mosquito Hawks and what type of bug they are. As it turns out we are both right.

10. It's a blackout girl the lights are all off.

So Kimberly these are just a few of the reasons. I didn't even talk about Lifetouch and Travis aka Wolfenstein. Or the other millions of amazingly fun things we've done, or said...It's true about Kelly though. I love you. I might have a crush on you. Maybe we should run away together.

FULL COLOR READY TO MAIL

2006-05-18T13:52:00.000-05:00

I'm weepy today. For no apparent reason except I'm a girl and I get to blame depression on that. Not even the Welbutrin flowing through my body is helping. I wish Michael wasn't living out in BFE right now at the scariest house I've ever seen so he could come over and give me a hug. I could really use a hug. And a bottle of wine and cheesy tv like Hercules the Legendary Journeys. Which last night I realized I could quote the entire opening of. I suppose that is kind of depressing too. Then I fell asleep before finding out if Hercules got his vision back after Lucy Lawless gave him some kind of poison in wine. That bitch.

How did I start that?

Oh.

Well anyway I was disappointed last night that Criminal Minds didn't come on. I want to find out what the hell is going on. Now I'm worried that was the Season finale and I'll have to wait forever till I do.

Dramatic much?

But I'd Rather Have a Bowl of Weekend.

2006-05-15T12:16:00.000-05:00

I hope that everyone had a great mothers day. Especially if they are a mother. We went to eat Chinese food and my parents drank wine and got silly. I was the responsible adult and only stole sips from their glasses. Well responsible adult or acting like I was underage. Either way plum wine is quite enjoyable.

I believe that now officially Crate!!!!!!! holds the record for person I've talked to on the phone longest in my whole life. I'm not very good at talking on the phone. I get distracted easily.

Michael fixed my Super Nintendo Saturday. All it really needed was something on the back to rig the cord into thinking it was actually plugged in. My Big Book O' Hitler did the trick nicely. Now I can play Super Mario and wonder why I suck so badly when I don't remember ever sucking so much. Out of practice, loss of hand eye coordination.

Hey remember when video games first got really big and everyone was like "Oh it's so great for hand/ eye coordination!" and now they are like "You're kids will get tumors and fat and lazy and they'll have grand mal seizures if they touch anything that is game related". Really you just have to look at the packaging or walk into a Gamestop to loose all interest in outside activities.

I must keep playing until I stop sucking again....

This weeks band is well not really a band so much as it's a musical. Little Shop Of Horrors. Come on. You loved it. FEED ME SEYMOUR. Feed me all night long.

STARCRUNCH IS NOT A GOOD BREAKFAST

2006-05-12T13:10:00.000-05:00

Crate! sent me a link earlier about Saving the Internet. I'd join the coalition but I do not have an organiztion. So instead of blabbering on about it and then turning this into one of those dreaded political blogs I'll just stop and say check out my other entry today. Though it's not so much good as it is nothing.

HA HA I KNEW IT

2006-05-12T08:32:00.000-05:00

The e-mail I received last night from Kimberly. Hits and CDnapping and lots of references to The Hills Have Eyes which we saw on Tuesday at the dollar movie. Though we ended up talking and laughing for most of it. Next Tuesday. Slither. We'll see what goes missing and held for ransom by mutant monsters.

i have CDnapped your beloved journey and it could be returned to if and only if you follow a few easy rules and don't mess them up.
1.)bring one billion trillion dollars to the old mine shaft in the new mexico hills by sundown
2.) make sure you hand it to goggle and then and only then will journey be returned
3.)make sure that there are no police or crazy dudes that want revenge there

if you fail to comply with these rules you and jouney will be eaten by the hill people no if ands or butts....

That really is all I have to say today. And I didn't say most of it.

Sweetheart, I've got you under my skin. I'll wash and wash, but you'll never come out.

2006-05-11T00:02:00.000-05:00

I've been in this mood all day to listen to Journey and I can't find my CD anywhere. Of course now that I'm at home I have no problems doing just that but now I'm curious where it has gotten to. At first I thought maybe it had run off with my Street Talk cd and Steve "Stone in Love" Perry was currently making out with himself but I found that one and it was not dry humping my Journey Greatest Hits. The only other conclusion is that Kimberly hid it from me. Probably a more realistic scenario if we are going for the logical route. Which I rarely do.

This has turned into one of those weeks where I have nothing to say. I mean besides what I just said.

Maybe you can check out:

AFI's New Video
or
Things to Do When You are Bored. Though I don't know if any of them are worthwhile since I just googled I'm bored and it was the first choice.
or
Pirates of the Caribbean. I don't care if Johnny Depp does smell like cigarrettes and feet. I'd still have sex with him.
or
Penny Arcade

Alright I'm done.

Well I was almost done.

I'd touch you without gloves. If I could, I mean.

2006-05-09T11:04:00.000-05:00

I had my drug test this morning. Oh yeah did I mention I got that job? That yummy customer service job that's probably gonna suck because I hate doing crap like that but still it pays really well and at least now I'll have fun stories about old people. Oh the old people.

Yeah so drug test. I couldn't pee the first time so I had to drink 19 cups of water and then fight the hideous pain of having backed up into my esophagus. You know when you burp and water comes back up. Fresh water. Still cold because it hasn't really gone too far. Love that. Then when I finally figured I could pee I went in with my second try. Barely. Damn my giant bladder. I will probably have to pee so bad around 5 tonight. I'm sure no one wants to hear about my bladder though so lets move on.

How about the really awesome guy that was so excited they were playing Ace Ventura he started laughing at an impolite volume and quoting. His favorite part which he so politely informed everyone within earshot was the part when Ace talks with his butt. Oh how he laughed. I gagged but mostly from the smell of the guy sitting next to me [I bet he failed his random drug screening] and all the water. Seriously water hurts. There was also an older man who stared at me the entire time. He was the creepiest. Pedder creepy. Probably drove the child kidnapping van I saw in the parking lot. Which NO I did not get a picture of. Damn it.

Well I'm off to go hide from my parents in a dark movie theater. Oh and maybe pee because suddenly...URGE!

Pride of the Zombie Killers For Over a Hundred Years.

2006-05-06T16:48:00.000-05:00

Kimberly and I finally finished building a webpage for one of her classes. Seriously if she doesn't get a good grade on it I'll cry. It's not like it took us three weeks or anything [maybe five hours total over two days], but I'll be very upset with her professor if he doesn't get the greatness that is the Killer Klowns From Outer Space tribute page. Or more importantly a haven of stolen information in a semi alright layout. Seriously you can sorta tell we rushed doing it.

I dreamed about Zombies last night. At first I thought it was a nightmare, then I realized I fucking kicked ass and was able to handle a Zombie invasion better than any of those schmoes in movies. Therefore my services will be available to anyone currently in a Zombie crisis. Alls I need is a fireplace poker and a gun that reloads when I shoot offscreen. Okay that last one might be a problem.

So in honor of myself, I've created my Zombie Asskicking personality in southpark form. Not because I like the show [at least not lately, what happened to the funny?] but because YOU CAN DO THAT!.

HNT AND I'M SORRY!

2006-05-04T00:15:00.000-05:00

I was really freaked out about that thing on the left for a while. I thought maybe it was some kind of monster that lived on my back and I couldn’t see or feel. Then I realized it was the cord to the camera. Of course I realized that after 10 minutes of trying to not freak out and stomping on my shirt with boots on. Duh E-Beth. I may quite possibly be the palest person ever, except for Albinos and Irish people of course. Happy Half Nekkid Thursday

N-E Way

Kimberly is mad at me. I was supposed to help her build a web page today and instead I’ll be escorting my grandmother to a doctor’s appointment. Thanks Dad. So I figured the best apology would be in the most public way possible. You can thank me later.

"Emily"- Bowling For Soup
You’ll need to download that song, because I’ve re-written it and it just makes sense to sing it along with the actual song.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this
Another dose of unhappiness
I gave it all and managed to get a hit put on me yet again
So I messed up
Had to do something else
You told me that I should never call your cell again

[chorus]
Kimberly, you’re mad at me
Kimberly, Do you want some tea?

She was always such a pretty girl
Nobody like her in the world
A little piece of heavenly
That no one else could stand
I see you in my dreams at night
I see you when I close my eyes
I just can’t seem to shake, Kimberly

You got your monkey and I got cast
Outside thrown out on my ass
In the city with no more friends, no one else to call
So then I hooked up with this guy from AOL
Kimberly, I sure do wish you weren’t mad at me anymore

[chorus]
Kimberly, you’re mad at me
Kimberly, Do you want some tea?

She was always such a pretty girl
Nobody like her in the world
A little piece of heavenly
That no one else could stand
I see you in my dreams at night
I see you when I close my eyes
I just can’t seem to shake, Kimberly

Kimberly, your mad at me
Kimberly, your mad at me
Kimberly, Here’s your tea.

Yes. I know. Someday when YOU are mad at me I’ll barely re-write a song for you too.

BIRTHDAY WISHINGS AND MIX CHAINS

2006-05-03T09:05:00.000-05:00

Alrighty everyone. Before I reveal the playlist from the Mix Chain [I'm also 99.9 percent sure that everyone I sent it to now has it] I want you to do me a big favor. It’s OOMM’s 27th birthday. Go wish her a happy joyous day full of ya know happy joyous things. Throw in something about how Gibbs totally wants to hurt those that wish her ill will and I bet she’ll love you forever. This friends is a good thing. A good thing indeed.

Mix Chain Playlist

1. “I Wanna Be a Kennedy”- Kill Hannah. This is one of those songs I loved way back when and then only recently remembered it existed. So I’ve been re-enjoying its desperation and greatness.

2. “Lets Push things Forward”- The Streets. You know that moment in your life when you are no longer friends with someone and you wonder what you even got out of the relationship except anger but then you remember that one song that introduced you to a whole new world of band greatness. This is that song for me. My love for this band and I don’t even associate it with that time of my life anymore

3. “Connected”- Stereo MC. Yeah no explanation except I really love this song.

4. “Walking Dead”- DJ ZTrip. Katherine gave me this song in a mix CD sometime last year and I’m so in love with it. I feel like I’m in a zombie movie driving to what I think will be a safe place but instead everyone’s dead and I’m screwed majorly. Of course I always like to pretend I’m in a Zombie movie anyway, its fun late at night and gives me a reason to stay awake. Of course it would be hard to explain to the cop that will eventually pull me over. Here’s how the conversation will go:
Cop: “Ma’am you do realize you were going 90 in a 50 right? You’re car is kind of jank I was waiting for a door to fall off or something”
Me: “Yeah well see I have this pretend fantasies where Zombies are after me”
Cop: “Please step out of the car”
Me: “No wait I was kidding ha ha ha see umm I’m not drunk or on drugs I’m just a little insane. Wait. Fuck. That’s not what I meant either”
Cop: Un-holsters gun “Ma’am please step out of the car”.
That’s as far as I get before I scare myself. Vivid I tell you.

5. “I Wear My Sunglasses at Night”- Corey Hart. Who doesn’t love this song? Show me this person and I will cut them with my ninja voodoo. If I had ninja voodoo of course which I don’t but don’t tell them that. He wears his sunglasses at night so he can, so he can keep track of visions in his mind. If you can’t relate to that I don’t know why you are here.

6. "Baba O'Reilly"- The Who. I like this song. I get kinda sick of hearing it every time I want to watch CSI:NY though.

7. “Sussudio”- Phil Collins. Pretend you hate it all you want but secretly deep down you LOVE IT.

8. “Sweet Child O’Mine”- Guns N’ Roses. I have great memories of this band. Most involve a certain South African boy who used to draw me pictures.

9. “Summergirls”- LFO. Okay I realize this song is ridiculous. I realize these guys are everything I hate about people of the male persuasion. I realize that all I do is talk smack about Abercrombie and Fitch wearing choads. BUT I still can’t help but sing along and have a really fun time while listening to this song. So there! Also it’s really just especially for Meany because I know it’s her favorite song.

10. “What is a Juggalo”- ICP. This song is very High School for me I was really into them for a long time. We grew apart and we’ll never be close like we were because I find a lot of what they say totally offensive now but still I mean who writes shit like this? I can’t help but secretly love it even if I’m offended. That’s the whole point right?

11. “Tonight”- New Kids on the Block. Don’t even say it. This was the band that started my love of music and I don’t care how cheesy I’ll never forget.

12. “It’s not Unusual”- Tom Jones. Seriously it’s not unusual to love Tom Jones. Just as SexyAtheist says he’s the shit.

13. “You’re Unbelievable”- EMF. Yeah uh huh that’s right.

14. “6 Underground”- SneakerPimps. I remember I heard this song in High school and I had to have Blockbuster Music [Wherehouse Music now] special order the CD for me.

15. “West End Girls”- Pet Shop Boys. I can understand if someone hates this song. I can’t because it’s deeply ingrained in me that this band is awesome. But I suppose I can see it…you’re a jerk but I guess I understand.

16. “Runaway Train”- Soul Asylum. I love this song. It may be my favorite song. The again....

17. “Mambo Italiano”- Rosemary Clooney. Because Mob Hits are awesome. And it’s true that “If you gonna be a square you ain’t a gonna go nowhere”

18. “Wind of Change”- Scorpions. ....This may be my favorite song. Probably the greatest song I’ve ever heard live EVER. Yes, that’s right, don’t be jealous but I did see the Scorpions in concert. You can touch me so some of the cool will rub off on you. I don’t have a problem with that.

19. “Love of My Life”- Cowboy Mouth. You may not appreciate this band but then you haven’t seen them in concert. Lead singer who is also the drummer wearing his tight little bike shorts and slamming on the drum kit which is pushed to the front of the stage. Ain’t nothing like it. Also they make amazing music that you just can’t be sad too. Even when the love of your life is a shady lady.

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

2006-05-02T13:06:00.000-05:00

My review for Silent Hill has been posted. I've moved my movie reviews to Rotten Tomatoes. So you can find it Here.

It's not nearly as cool and ridiculous as this though:
.

Oh Gwar. Why have you suddenly become an obsession?

How is it that every single pair of pants I own is suddenly dirty? So I am a prisoner in my home until they are done washing. I swear though People's Court and Judge Mathis are the best shows ever. Except for all those other shows I really like.

Hey OOMM, are you as excited as I am about She Who Shall Not Be Named getting stolen? Though the whole entire episode centering around her is a little annoying. I hope she dies. Or quits. Or dies.

LETS HAVE CAKE.

2006-05-01T13:33:00.001-05:00

I'm losing my mind. I've been doing gross things all morning like staring at pictures of strange guys Special Parts. Why? Who knows. Probably because when I sent it to Kimberly she inspected every aspect of the site and then informed me I just had to check it out and then well then my downfall into male anatomy. I can't even close the tab. I've tried 82 times and for some reason my finger stops working. What the hell is wrong with me? Lots of things but we won't dwell on that. Oh P.S. you might not want to click on that link above if say you're at work and it's considered uncouth to have male hooha staring back at you.

This morning I had to go to the bank seeing as it's the first of the month and all kinds of fun things like rent are due. While there I happened to be behind the most obnoxious a-hole I think I may have ever encountered in real life. My bank has one of those no phone policies and it's not really that big of a deal to me, if the call is that important than you really shouldn't be trying to do several things at once. WELL this guy was just so important he had to take his call and then speak louder than any human should be allowed to speak in non emergency situations about why his buddy should hire Mexicans to get the job done. It was all very interesting let me tell you. But wait. That's not the best part. He was one of those pretend suave I only date hot blonde chicks with boobs bigger than their IQ guys. I love those guys. Seriously I do because they make going to the bank and owning a box of crayons that much more worthwhile. SO since I abide by the rules of "We will help you when your call is over" signs and I did not have my cell phone with me to take a picture of this Giant King Choad I have drawn you a picture.

See his suave hair? See his highwater jeans which in fact had the Tommy Hilfiger logo on his butt and was screaming Kick me right here DOOOO IT! So loud I almost couldn't hear when it was my turn. See his really schnazy man jewelry? I'm not making that up for the sake of my incredibly awful drawing either. THREE man rings is just disgusting. See his really sexy curly chest hair which is peaking out at you saying "helloooo don't you want to touch me?" But I don't because I wanted to take a hammer to his forehead. Oh man he is awesome. I forgot to draw the Cell phone which was in a red pleather cell phone sleeve or whatever they are called. I bet his trophy wife picked it out for him. There are so many things I wish I could have drawn for you but since my art skills are on the level of second grader it just wasn't going to happen. Now if you'll excuse me he's taking me for a ride in his jag. What? I'm only human.

The Smiths are the band of the week. Though apparently there were ERRORS while trying to republish.

BE RAD EVERY DAY

2006-04-28T12:25:00.000-05:00

I just need to brag a little bit about why I have the best best friend ever. I won’t be gushing all over the place instead I’ll just show you my birthday present, even though it’s a month late it is well worth it. But be warned it’s totally juvenile and creepy yet awesome and hilarious.

Yes that is Angelina Joli being burned by fire on a phallic tree. Justice is sweet!

I heard on the news last night that they were cracking down on slaves and drugs here in Texas. I unfortunately can’t find anything about it on the internet, so I don’t know if I actually heard it or just dreamed that I’d heard it. I don't know why this means anything.

Speaking of my dreams though, I had this really awful one last night where I was held prisoner in some compound and the maintenance guy that broke my car was gutting people and cutting their eyes out. Michael was there but he was playing a bad guy. Though he did end up helping me escape so I suppose that redeems him. I should really just not watch Wire in the Blood till 2am then watch sad, characters I like die episodes of Stargate.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to kill Shakespeare who managed to find the ONLY piece of paper left anywhere near the floor in my house and shredded it. Because we just can’t have nice things or a clean floor.

NEW MOON HNT

2006-04-27T09:22:00.000-05:00

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday.

Just a collage of past HNT.

Kimberly. Go to the previous entry for a fun story. But not the one I'm re-posting below. This one is for the Gwar fanpage.

It's not like I ask much of you right? Okay so I ask you to read my ramblings and occasionally you are rewarded with something funny [lets be honest though it's not that often] and if you are trusting a mix CD. Now I have a request for you. It's simple but I can only sort of promise that's true. I need to find a screen cap for a scene in Empire Records, the one when Ethan Embry's character is being eaten by Gwar. If you help me out I promise you the before mentioned Mix CDs and something really cool I found at the Dollar Store. It even cost a little more than a dollar. I know, they are shady bastards but what can you do?

"be dearie and think and gad on borosilicate the t the bulk see platte in agreed try wino the deoxyribonucleic not knight the postmen a bogeymen or hydrochloric see meat try pike try effluvium , angela be covary on stalk may man a tarbell it's inseminate it's austria and combine , cannister may embargo be minuend try andrei and dante , riverside or poke a longhorn be minnie , automobile it bouncy it dizzy see abstracter be maneuver , bingle in scrape see betide or catv the randy a vanity"

What the hell does that mean?

Listen Alicia Knowles you be a dearie and think and gad on borosilicate. Okay. Because I just don't have time to do things I don't even understand.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go poke a longhorn.

NOTHING MAKES YOU THINK CLEARLY LIKE OPIATES.

2006-04-26T21:13:00.000-05:00

It's not like I ask much of you right? Okay so I ask you to read my ramblings and occasionally you are rewarded with something funny [lets be honest though it's not that often] and if you are trusting a mix CD. Now I have a request for you. It's simple but I can only sort of promise that's true. I need to find a screen cap for a scene in Empire Records, the one when Ethan Embry's character is being eaten by Gwar. If you help me out I promise you the before mentioned Mix CDs and something really cool I found at the Dollar Store. It even cost a little more than a dollar. I know, they are shady bastards but what can you do?

You know I'll tell you again tomorrow so no worries if you just ignored that. Thanks for ignoring me though. Appreciate it.

Hey you know what is fun? Running into your best friends ex boyfriend at the gas station and he starts talking to you like he's YOUR best friend. You're trying to be nice though not exactly sure why because what do you care if he hates you and he won't shut the hell up because "I haven't seen you in like FOREVER". The whole time you're trying to understand what the fuck he did exactly to his hair and why that girl in his car that's not the crappy piece of shit he's normally driving is staring at you like you just fucked him right in front of her when you so obviously are in an awkward situation and NO ONE WILL HELP YOU. For all that I should have at least gotten a strawberry malt.

LICK THE BOOK

2006-04-25T13:49:00.000-05:00

I’m tired. So damn tired. Last night was one of those coffee at 11 nights and that ended up keeping me awake till well into 7 this morning. Of course I could only sleep for so long before everyone started calling me and asking me ridiculous things like how are you, and what’s up. SLEEPING. That’s what’s up. I love my friends. I also love that I had dreams about getting text messages and photo quizzes. I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean.

I had things to say. Like if you are on myspace you should join the Ninja Pirate group because it’s just the right thing to do. Get with it. And why aren’t you on Myspace?. Everyone else is, you might as well too. Conform. Become one of us.

Pop-Trash is being updated again.

And later while I’m driving I just know I’ll remember that I was going to talk about something.

Something…like how the movie Silent Hill is utter crap and don’t waste your precious time or money like I did. Ridiculous in so many ways I’m still kind of nauseated.

Or how the book A Dirty Job was really pretty good and it only took me a day and half to finish it because of all the not putting it down. Now I’m reading Adverbs and I’m totally undecided.

To summarize I’m a Dirty Whore.
Pop-Trash
Ninja Pirate’s are kewl
And I feel really sorry for Katie Holmes.

I AM GROSS.

2006-04-24T14:41:00.000-05:00

Ugh. My brain is broken today and it's trying to break everything else on my body. Like my eyes. And possibly my soul.

I have this huge pimple on my nose. So huge it looks like I just have a sunburn. No joke. It's awesome/awful. It won't get a head on it so I can pop it either. Please dont tell me it's bad to pop them because it's one of those little things I get great pleasure in. Second favorite is picking scabs. Seriously EWW But so satisfying.

Anyway since I can't seem to talk about anything that isn't gross here is a list of things you should do:

If you happen to be on Myspace you should go and join the Ninja Pirates group. Because you just should

OH wait...thats the only thing I have for you to do. So it's not much of a list.

Oh well.

I'M ON TO YOU AND YOUR PIGTAILS

2006-04-22T12:28:00.000-05:00

So picture this...Nice saturday morning around 75 outside, hideous sun hitting you right in the eye but thats okay because it's a game day and that means ice cold grapes to steal from unsuspecting five year olds and that 19 yr old refs cute butt in tight black shorts [What? Like you weren't looking too]. THEN the meanest little pink attired kids in the whole world take the field and start beating up the coolest team in the whole world. I almost beat up a six year old today. She kept elbowing Squishy and she knocked down a couple of the girls on Squishy's team. If I ever find you Ashley or Amber or Morgan or Savannah or whatever your little pink pigtailed name is I'll take you and your scary mom with the perm. Oh thats right. I said it. You are going down.

If I were a geeky kid circa 2000, I would say "U is teh sux0rZ!!"

2006-04-19T20:50:00.000-05:00

***UPDATE***
Happy Half Nekkid Thursday

I really have nothing to say about this Half Nekkid because I did it while I was half asleep. Also there are several hidden geektacular things in this photo. Enjoy.

Just for Crate. The three toed sloth which I was eight inches from and the guy that worked at the aquarium didn't even care. But it was a Sloth it would have taken three hours for it to get me.

How cool is that? So Cool.

This was the first time I've EVER seen a manatee in real life. Animal Planet and the Discovery Channel were the only times I'd ever seen one.

I'm going to go pretend I'm a Marine Biologist now. I'll be giving a talk on why Manatees are awesome to Shakespeare at 2pm cst SHARP.

And now back***************************************

Sometimes when I'm out and about in the Citay I find myself thinking of certain bloggers and I want to text message them or take a picture and send it to them because I just know they would find it as strangely hilarious as I currently was finding it. Unfortunately I don't have their phone numbers and if they ever spoke to any of my friends that I do text message [ie Kimberly whose gotten so many text messages from me she's having to get her text message feature disabled because I can't remember that I'm not supposed to send them] they would tell all of you to run and never look back. Alas I am now loading your e-mail address into my phone so when the moment arrives I will be able to at least send it somewhere. Be on the lookout OOMM, Dixie, and CRATE!!, because I will be harassing your inbox very soon. Probably later when I take pictures of Shakespeare doing naughty things to his blanket.

Also this may be my new favorite Fetish that I don't have Zentai!. Crazy mofos I love you.

Thanks Again to Dixie for the 83 mix CDs that have filled my computer to capacity. I love them!! I also love all the other goodies I didn't deserve but will cherish.

IBTIS

2006-04-18T12:27:00.000-05:00

I just sneezed so hard my hair came out of it's ponytail.
That is all.
I just needed to tell someone.

BUGS ARE GROSS. SORRY GIL

2006-04-17T10:21:00.000-05:00

There is some freaky shit going on. Freaky locust plague shit to be exact. Yesterday afternoon while driving to lunch after church a huge black cloud came out of nowhere and if I hadn't been so shocked and confused by the total freakness of it I would have taken a picture. Probably wrecked but I would have captured it on film or in my case digital memory card. Alas it was moving pretty fast and I only realized what it was when thirty disgusting bugs died on the windsheild of my car. It was something out of a made for tv sci-fi channel movie. Awesome and disturbing and horrific [in this case not horrific because of the acting]. That was all fine and good I suppose because I had my windows closed so nothing disgusting and gooey landed on me. Unfortunantly last night Iwasn't so lucky when one of the little monsters commited suicide on my frackin face. I don't know that my left cheek will ever totally feel clean again. It was giant and I'm pretty sure it knocked me out for a few seconds. All I totally remember is feeling like someone slapped me and then brown ooze all over my face and hand. These wounds run deep people. I may never be whole again.

I wore Flowerbomb yesterday. Maybe they couldn't help themselves I smelled so damn delicious.

What do you say? Will you go in with me? We can share custody of this AWESOME Star Trek Phaser signed by accalimed actor, William Shatner (Collectors Series Edition Number 34).

Chuch Norris Shirt No Longer Available

I SWEAR SOMETIMES....

2006-04-14T10:55:00.000-05:00

I always do something stupid. I just have to, it's like part of my physiology or something. So when the temp agency sent me a survey to complete regarding how I felt about their service I should have just ignored it and gone on with my life. INSTEAD I decided to fill it out because I figured it was anonymous so I went all out with the POOR and You guys are a-holes. Boy howdy was I wrong. Especially after I got a phone call from them regarding it. They left a message and I honestly couldn't stomach listening to the entire thing so I deleted it but sometimes even my stupidness shocks myself.

They did send me back my notebook. The one that apparently contained the words "He is sexually harassing her with his mind". Yeah. Sorta remember writing it regarding a TV show. Don't totally think it's any of their damn business and I couldn't find it and Kimberly couldn't find it when we searched through the notebook. Of course I didn't re-read every fooking word so I probably just missed it. Which means this lady sat there for a while and read every word I had committed to paper. While I'm flattered I'm so riveting, it was still none of her GD business. I feel like I need one of those diaries with the little heart shaped locks on them. Then maybe she would have kept her stupid ugly BLEACHED [badly] head outta my damn business. I'm still pretty mad about the whole situation if you can't tell, and even though I don't know if "Richard from such & suck" said something rude to me, and I know it would have been the mature adult thing to do to actually listen to his message I just don't want to even hear someone's voice that works for those mothers. He was probably calling to get more information on to why I despised them but I only think these things later not while I'm suddenly blinded by rage. And I shouldn't have even been angry. I'm just quick to jump to conclusions and all those douchebag induced wounds are still fresh.

In other news....I was called for an interview today with my moms friends company. I don't know how smart it will be for me to work in the same place as my moms friend. But I need a job and it pays really well for customer service type monotony. There will be no mentions of fictional characters sexually harassing people written in personal notebooks unless I have a pretty pink heart lock and maybe a picture of kittens or furry trim, maybe both. But YAY anyway. Lets all say a collective prayer that I don't bunk up this interview. Because I'll be labeled a reject for the rest of my life.

Also in other news I joined a gym yesterday. I'd say re-joined because I was a member of 24 hour fitness for 3 years but it's not 24 hour fitness so I don't think it counts as a re-join. It's Life Time Fitness with all it's fancy schmancyness. Of course I didn't go work out yesterday till midnight so this morning I'm a little sleepy. Probably not the smartest time to do cardio but then again we've already established I'm creeping into idiot.

A CAT BORN IN AN OVEN ISN'T A CAKE

2006-04-12T13:46:00.000-05:00

I had something to talk about. But I'm listening to Weird Al and I'm having trouble concentrating on anything but that...So just a moment please.
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Oh that crazy Weird Al.

Anyway! I made one of those purchases yesterday that you instantly start regretting as soon as you walk away from the counter. Then you just happen to catch a whif of yourself [because it was perfume] and you are hypnotized back into thinking that spending $100 on a bottle of perfume is a great idea because damn I smelled awesome. Then when you are still for a while it all starts over until you move or catch the scent of your best friend who also doused herself in the best smelling stuff in the world. It's a vicious cycle but hey at least if I ever do anything fancy I'll smell awesome doing it. If you are ever near a Saks go smell Flowerbomb and get sucked into it's cotton candy flower amazingness. Go To Viktor Rolf and since it's the only perfume it will be easy to find [I can't direct link] and you can read about how it will magically change your life and make you a better more beautiful person. Seriously it says that. I don't feel it because I'm not wearing it right now, but I did feel really awesome about myself yesterday while I was wearing it. It's like scent anti-depressent.

Now that I've bored everyone, I'll take my leave and try to scrounge up some grub.

OH Wait I forgot to tell you. I went to My Heritage after seeing it on Best Week Ever and then reading about it from Crate. Low and behold I look like a dude. I'm a little upset by this. Especially since it's like Barry Gibb and Larry King thrown in there. Of course there WAS a Claudia Schiffer but I'm pretty sure the Larry King and Barry Gibb negates that. So below is my list of everyone I look like.
-Gary Oldman
-Elvis Costello
-Peter Sellers
-Larry King
-Anna Lindh
-Sean Lennon
-Chester Bennington
-Jeff Goldblum
-Wim Winders
-Eddie Murphy -Especially Eddie I bet
-Robert Downey Jr
-Matthew Perry
-Aki Hakala
-Claudia Schiffer
-Celina Jaitley
-Barry Gibb
-Natalie Imbruglia
-Charlize Theron
-Gustave Heinemenn
-Chester Bennington

Okay so I used two pictures...but the only one that was the same in both pictures was Chester Bennington. Which is just awesome...I look like some dude from Linkin Park. I don't even like that band.

I guess he's not totally bad looking.

THANK YOU THANK YOU

2006-04-07T23:15:00.000-05:00

This is coming super late in the day because I wasn't around a computer, mostly because I was holed up with my new book . Which I'm really enjoying and HUGE thanks to one Miss Dixie or should it be Mrs. Dixie either way she has made my week and possibly the next two. Later I'll be watching Peep Show which isn't smut but if Miss Dixie wants one I'll be more than happy to oblige her. If I can get my shit together we are so at the NIN concert, because I want to go more than you could possibly know.

Also! because sometimes I forget he exists and then when I remember I wonder why I haven't been lusting

YUM!

this ones just for Dixie

NEW MOON

2006-04-06T11:38:00.000-05:00

Not even sorta half-nekkid but it's the best I could do today due to the copious amounts of not getting out of bed for most of the day. This is of course the classiest shirt a girl could ever own and wear. But I < 3 Irony so I had to purchase it.

The last word is suck just in case you couldn't figure that out on your own. I bet you did though because you are so smart.

If you aren't already come join in the fun at Half-Nekkid Thursday.

I was kinda disappointed that NO ONE except Dixie and Meany even wanted a mix CD from me. Ah well. Your loss.

WANT TO TRY A....

2006-04-04T12:56:00.000-05:00

WarCryGirl pointed out I forgot to mention the CD Chain. I'm already passing one on to BlueMeany but if someone else would like to take part let me know in comments and I'll get with you to get your address. You remember the CD Chain? Basically you'll get a CD from me with no playlist. THen you get to review each song in an entry, only then will you find out if you are a musical genius. Or good with google.

Kimberly says Naked Mole Rat

HE SAID SHE SAID I SAID YOU SAID WE SAID

2006-04-03T14:42:00.000-05:00

UGH. I'm sick. SICK! And I made it worse by taking part in my birthday present from Michael [concert ticket]. By taking part I mean I went to the concert and stood there for 7 songs then excused myself and sat downstairs and listened from a chair in between nodding off and talking with Kimberly on the phone. Then I got into a fight with M because he was talking at me and I didn't understand. It possibly could have been all the self medication that was making my brain so damn fuzzy, in fact I'm sure of it. So we got into a fight and I thought about punching him. Luckily he stayed downtown with some of his friends.

Sunday I felt so bad I could barely move but I did make it to one of those Doc in the box places. Drive though treatment. Come to find out my whiney I feel like shit attitude was for a good cause. I have an ear infection and bronchitis. Though I think Bronchitis is one of those catch all diagnosises. Oh you have a cough? Okay it's bronchitis, then they just add other stuff on to it. M dug his way out of my shit list by doing the whole aww poor baby stuff that I love so much when I'm not feeling good.

My mom is of course my favorite person right now because she lays the sympathy on super thick and I love that. I'm one of those sick people that is just furious with everyone that doesn't give me the pity I feel I deserve. I can get very grouchy and everyone is warned about this because I'm aware I do it, I just can't stop it.

So the fun stories about my medication so far:
Some guy offered to buy my Promethazine w/ Codeine because he likes to mix it with sprite and it's good times. So I'll offer it up to the highest bidder as soon as my cough is gone and I can make it through the night without waking up thinking I'm going to cough up my spleen or possibly just vomit. Or I'll just go back to Taco Beuno where he works [blonde one at the drive through looks sorta like Jeff Foxworthy or not as tall and with no hair]. Though how much money could he really give me? I would be an awful dealer because I'd overcharge for everything.

Also when I picked it up the pharmacist came out to tell me that even though the doctor said to take the cough pills 3 times a day and the cough syrup only at night the third time would be at the same time as the syrup blah blah and I shouldn't actually do so because it will be overmedicating and could possibly be dangerous. That makes me feel really good about taking any of the medication she perscribed. Though it won't be stopping me.

This entry may or may not make sense. but then again when do they ever really make tons of sense?

Tomorrow PICTURES! Because I'll finally be ridding my camera of it's burdon and there is lots of juicy wonderful things in there. Like...Rhett Miller who is the musical artist of the week and the concert I sorta went to on Saturday. Plus he's really pretty.

SHE PUT THE ECCC IN ECLECTIC

2006-03-31T08:00:00.000-06:00

I made a bet with myself that I would be able to guess 90% of the songs on the Mix Cd that WarCryGirl sent me for the Mix Chain. You get a Mix CD with no playlist and review each of the songs, no cheating I swear it. Since I’m listening to this as I type we shall see if I get my reward.

1. “Zombie”- The Cranberries- I love this song and just recently rediscovered my love for them it’s a great start.

2. Okay I spoke too soon…I have no idea but it sounds like it’s from a musical. I’m probably so wrong it’s making WarCryGirl throw up. I have a feeling it’s something I should know and I’m going to feel like an idiot when I find out.

3. “Message in a Bottle”- The Police- This is on the only Police LP I don’t own and basically that means I love them.

4. “Bohemian Rhapsody”- Queen- Which is great because I was trying to put my Best Of Queen CD in the car the other day and since I was also driving and trying to smoke and possibly answer the phone it slipped between the cracks and I can’t get it out.

5. Ummm…Seether? I’m just kind of guessing because I don’t know. It’s not a bad song. I may have to ~~illegally download~~ purchase some of their stuff.

6. “I have no Idea”- Tori Amos- I know its Tori I just don’t know the name of the song. Love it though because I don’t know that I dislike anything she does. I especially like the part when everyone starts singing over each other.

7. “Blister in the Sun”- Violent Femmes- YAY Masturbation. Reminds me of High School, and a couple weeks ago when I was driving around listening to it.

8. “One”- U2- I have this love hate with U2. Sometimes I really like them and sometimes I want to hurt Bono. Well…I suppose I always want to hurt Bono and the music is usually really good but I have to be in a certain mood to listen to them.

9. “It’s so Easy to fall in Love”- Someone- I’ve heard it a million times but I’ve never bothered to learn who sings it. Not my favorite, doesn’t make me want to hurt myself but isn’t something I’d pull over on the side of the highway to find the CD because I just had to listen to that song right then.

10. “I Wanna Rock”- Twisted Sister- There is a local talk radio DJ [are they DJ’s when they don’t play music?] that uses this song for his intro. He’s pretty funny but not nearly as cool as Dee. ROCK!

11. “Rock Candy”- Sammy Hagar- Never doubt the power of 80’s hair metal guys and my total and complete love for them.

12. “Ring of Fire”- Johnny Cash- I got really into Cash about three years ago when this guy I had a class with in College told me he hated him, then asked me to make him a Mix CD. What an idiot that guy was. I ended up with a bunch of great songs and he ended up never speaking to me again. You can tell I’m broken up about it.

13. “Punk Rock Girl”- Dead Milkmen- ANARCHY! You’re all invited to my place to slam dance.

14. I’ve never heard this song before. I like it though. It’s probably called Destination Unknown and I’m guess it’s by a band that’s not from the US. At least I hope so. I think I’ll listen to it again. I like bubble gum European pop. Reminds me a little of Electrocute only not as edgy.

This is the time my Temp agency called to tell me that I would not be going back to work tomorrow. See apparently they have no problems with the work I did they just don’t think I fit in with their precious office environment. Well Fuck you too.

15. I have no idea on this one. It kind of sounds like Bjork but there isn’t enough synth to make it obviously so. Then again for a second there it kind of sounded like Liz Phair. Both are wrong I’m sure. It’s nice though.

16. Oingo Boingo? Maybe? Sounds like something Danny Elfman would do

17. “Roam”- The B-52’s- I have this on vinyl as well.

18. Okay I’m pretty sure it’s Iron Maiden but I don’t know the name of the song. I stopped it at 3 minutes because 7 minutes is just really long for a song.

19. “Silent Lucidity”- Queensryche- My friend Shannon was listening to this song for like 8 hours one day. I saw it on his Messenger name. Don’t even pretend you weren’t if you are reading this. Or maybe he told me he was listening to it. I can’t remember. Anyway yeah that is the only way I would have known this song. It’s good though.

There you have it. I am not a music snob and I don’t think I disliked anything…well maybe #9 but I couldn’t like everything. I believe that I earned a coffee, and possibly I’ll make it Irish since that involves pouring large amounts of liquor in it.

Seriously “Doesn’t fit in with our office environment”? Wtf does that even mean? And I used up a bunch of my nice on those assholes. This means my friends are family are going to get bitchy E-Beth while I wait for the nice to build back up. I only have so much ya know. Maybe it was when that guy that sat next to me informed me that he hated to read, I’m sure I gave him a nasty look for that one.

Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go kick my neighbors just for fun.

Shut up you guys Tom Jones is coming to town June 15. Who’s going with me?

THE NEW STYLE

2006-03-30T11:13:00.000-06:00

I have a few minutes before I have to start working so I figured I would get in here and do an update. Last night I was going to but I was so freaking tired when I got home I didn’t then it was Kat’s birthday yesterday and I went to dinner with her family. Lots of stories about teeth falling out into food. Appetizing. Then while driving home and taking my normal route behind the airport some old lady was stopped in the middle of the road with her hazards on. When I pulled up to pass her she was waving her arms frantically. I thought about just driving on because good deeds are my least favorite thing besides black licorice but then I figured Karma would kick my ass if I didn’t at least see what was wrong. She was lost and I ended up going out of my way to get her back to an area she recognized. I couldn’t go over twenty on the highway though because when I hit forty to merge she was so far behind me I didn’t know if she would ever catch up. See I am a good person. Eighty-five year olds should not be allowed to drive after 4pm. It’s a law I’m going to enforce when I take over the world.

Just tasted the coffee here for the first time, I don’t know if it’s because I brushed my teeth 45 minutes ago or if it’s because someone squeezed crest into the filter but this stuff is nasty. I could really go for a soy toffee nut latte with light whip right now. Just saying in case anyone happens to be in the Westlake, Texas area and wants to bring me one.

So as for the job…well a third grader could do it. Not that it’s a bad thing I’m making pretty good money for doing a job that’s so easy my computer illiterate friends and child could do. I have much more to say on the subject but that will have to wait for later since in four minutes I will have a visitor to my desk. Lets just say when people are shocked you actually know how to use word, excel, and powerpoint then share with you that they had a hard time learning it when they started it’s a little disconcerting. Or when they don’t know any short cut keys and they right click everything until my brain bleeds. No offense to all you right clickers out there but there are more efficient ways. I < 3 you.

I have my iPod today so that the Beastie Boys and A.F.I. can lure me into a false sense of normalcy. Though currently it has chosen Chevelle. Oh wait…just got in trouble for using the computer to type this. Yikes second day. Hopefully she won’t come over here and read this as soon as I walk away. I’ve never before worked for a company where everyone knows your password to log in to the computer. It’s insane. The only people that knew it when I worked for that certain cell phone and internet provider no one knew it. Not my boss, not my best friend though he could probably have guessed it. Ugh

[I hope you get that the whole top part was written at 8 this morning and I’m just now getting around to posting this because I’m being watched]

QUALITY TESTED

2006-03-29T06:48:00.000-06:00

I’m kind of nervous this morning. Nervous and bit tired because I stupidly didn’t go straight to bed when I should have knowing full well I had to get up at 6am. No one will ever accuse me of having too much common sense.

Unfortunately I don’t think I’ll get a chance to update my blog/diary whatever you want to call it on my first day. That might not make the greatest impression, I do have enough sense to know that. But don’t worry I’ll bore you to death with all the details later.

For now I have to leave in 15 minutes and my hair is sopping wet. If anyone would like to drop by my apartment and let Shakespeare out sometime during the day that would be awesome.

McGOVERN*SHRIVER

2006-03-28T16:42:00.000-06:00

I have a job! And it starts tomorrow...and I also have a cough that makes it hard to catch my breath, and I somehow hurt my back.

Well not somehow I was chasing Shakespeare and took the most spectacular fall ever. Luckily no one was around to see it but there is a booboo on my knee and my back hurts. Or maybe it's the cramps. Yeah. Maybe it's those.

This isn't a bad sign is it?

THE WEEKEND...ONLY TWO DAYS LATE

2006-03-28T10:14:00.000-06:00

Thursday
Birthday shots in Denton. I’d never gone to 5 different bars in less than 2 hours before but hey free shots can’t be a bad thing. Even when they are bright green and taste like bubble gum, luckily that was the first because if it had come after the whiskey I probably would have thrown it up on someone’s shoe. As it was I managed to only put my foot in my mouth three or four times this night.

Friday
We had lunch at the mall and I was attacked by a roach. Well maybe not attacked but it crawled on the table less than a ruler length away from my food. That’s gross and even though I got up and went to another table it ruined my lunch. Friday night Kimberly and Michael decided to just sit around my living room making fun of me. They think they are so funny and clever.

Saturday
Saturday was a really long day so here it is in its basic form:
Squishy’s soccer game
Lunch with mom, aunt X-tine, Kimberly, Michael, & Squishy
Fight with mom over nothing
Apologize because I was wrong
Still fight with mom
Battery dies in car
No one helps
Mom won’t come help because she is still mad
Finally people stop after I yell at them for staring and not helping
First attempt no good and car dies 6 feet from where it was stranded before
Second attempt gets us to the batter place
Thanks strangers
Thanks Michael for hooking me up with a battery.
Get home fight with mom some more
Go to Starbucks and have meeting with mom’s friend who is trying to get me a job at her company
Fight with mom some more after meeting
Have coffee with Michael and two of his friends
Decide to scrap going out and just hang out at home
Drink wine and watch Stargate SG1
Watch Michael re-enact SG1 in musical form, complete with dancing and catchy tunes. It’s sure to be a hit

Sunday
Sunday was alright I guess. I hung out at my parent’s house and my mom was really super nice to me. I think she realized some of the stuff she had said the day before was really hurtful and uncalled for. Of course she didn’t apologize for what she said she just apologized for how she said it because it came from anger. Or something. There comes a point when you realize your parents aren’t who you thought they are and I’ve reached that point. I’ve very disappointed in who my mother is right now and I don’t know if I’ll ever look at her the same way again. That or she is seriously losing it and needs stronger medication. Anyway that night Squishy has Awana’s which is fun for all but not for me, so I took her but she was upset I wasn’t taking her to some Thomas the Train festival taking place down the street. So I ended up buying her a toy to compensate. I know that’s the wrong thing to do but I’ll work on her spoiledness next week. Oh wait, my dads coming back from Iraq next week…he probably threw away half his clothes to bring her trinkets. I wish I was Squishy. Seriously then I could play with Barbie’s and plastic food and no one would think I was mental. Sunday night we watched I Love Lucy and went to bed. It was awesome fun. I don’t think this paragraph makes sense but I don’t feel like fixing it either.

Yeah I know. I’m one boring individual. Oh well. Shakespeare is depressed because Michael went home and he’s barely eating and refuses to play with me. It’s nice when your dog likes a cat person more than you. By nice I really mean hurtful.

New band this week is Flogging Molly. Enjoy.

I'm getting lots of spam in my comments. I don't want to turn the word verification back on though because that sucks. And hey at least it's a comment.and usually they talk about how great I am before they try to sell me something. I can live with the lies.

HIS VOICE IS PRETTY LIKE THE BIRDS

2006-03-25T08:47:00.000-06:00

My Word Cloud.
Congratulations to like half my buddy list for making it on there. YAY for you guys. Why doesn't everyone check out
Becks
Biodtl
Chaosbean
OOMM
RandH
StarZero
WarCryGirl
Because the art of random has chosen them and that MEANS something.

I have a feeling OOMM isn't going to like the placement of her name. I'm sorry. Blame the random please don't hurt me or kick me out when you find me living in your backyard beneath that tarp. OH wait...It's the weekend and I'm safe, she'll never see this.

PLAY ONLINE

2006-03-23T11:46:00.000-06:00

One thing that will always be a constant on my birthday is my mother somehow picking a fight. Of course she'll blame it on me being snotty or in a bad mood but really we all know I'm sweet and innocent and hey I can be snotty or in a bad mood on my birthday if I wanna be.

Thank you Anonymous whomever you are for the nice birthday greeting. Much appreciated and just know I'm sending you and Anonymous thank you note.

Since I have nothing to really talk about today except whiny bs and my camera is DEAD but only mostly dead so there is still hope. Like when I decide to recharge the battery. Here are some things for you to do to entertain yourself. Think of me and all the good times we've shared.

Dr. Tran as introduced by Crate.

DeMotivators

German Swear Words Du stinkst wie n Pumakäfig

Foodborne Illness I'd put that chicken leg down if I were you.

Magical Trevor Don't watch unless you want the song stuck in your head forever because it's awesome and catchy and I want it on a CD.

KHAAAN

Pop-Trash which is always a good idea but doubly so now that it's been updated.

X-Entertainment

Alright see now you have some stuff to do so don't worry about working today just have fun and relax. If your boss gets mad just tell him it's a free day and E-Beth told you so.

NOTHING LIKE BEER FOR BREAKFAST

2006-03-22T09:43:00.000-06:00

The reason I will get killed if I ever travel back to the middle east: T-Shirt. Not that I own this shirt or would ever buy it because buying involves having money but I do entertain the idea. Just like the cock shirt I purchased from them I can only wear it when I know I won't run into someone.

My friend Jennifer just told me she had a dream I was a murderer last night. Thats probably the coolest thing I've ever done in someone elses dream. At least from what people have told me I do in their dreams. You'd be surprised how many conversations I have with people that start off with "I had a dream that you were in last night". Not strangers of course because that would be weird and frightening and most likely it wasn't a dream but them tom peeping into my window and then their sick mastabatory fantasy. Ewww.

Just got word that Netflix has received back the shittiest tv show ever and now I never again have to be scarred by Eliza Dushku's half assed attempts at acting and the ruination of Zach Galifianakis in my eyes. Damn you Tru Calling. You were a sorry excuse for Television. I can't believe you lasted two seasons and Wonderfalls didn't. At least her monotone fit with the character and it was funny and ya know didn't have Eliza Dushku ruining my life in it.

Sleeping in a bed with someone after having not slept in a bed with someone for a long time can somewhat ruin your nights rest. It's like you always have to be aware of the other person so you don't kick them a lot and you can't completely wrap yourself up in the comforter because then you just seem like an asshole.

Tomorrows my birthday though, I should be able to steal covers like an asshole if I want too.

COLLEGE LIBRARY'S ARE FANCIER THAN I REMEMBER

2006-03-20T13:48:00.000-06:00

Kimberly's car broke so I'm hanging out at UTA using their computers while Kimberly takes a test. Don't anyone ever say I'm not a good friend. I even bought her lunch which seems weird when I go back and think about it. Like I'm rewarding her for having a jank car. Congratulations your car is totally bunk you win a Salami sandwich on rye and broccoli cheese soup. Enjoy.

There are a lot of loud people in here which makes it seem very un-library like. Though now I'm totally regretting not signing up for college this semester. It makes me want to learn and go to classes and even copy down ridiculous notes on information I'll forget in less time than it took me to learn it. Also this university is a lot nicer than I originally thought. I suppose I shouldn't base my opinions on the neighborhood it's in and the idiots I've seen driving around it. I regret that I was a neighborhood racist, all college towns/areas are shit, I don't know what it was about this one that bugged me so much. Maybe the cute 18 year old sitting across from me is clouding my judgment. Who really knows.

My mom gave me my birthday presents this weekend. I really cleaned up and I'm not sure why but I'm sure as hell not complaining. I got a new larger TV and a new DVD player. She also bought me a bunch of new clothes since hopefully I'll be starting work very soon. The new agency I registered with seems very pro-active and for once I nailed an interview the lady freakin [foreskin?] loved me. It was all from OOMM's advice of course. No personality on my part = awesomeness with other people. Excuse me I'm going to go weep now.

New band this week is not technically a band though neither was last week. In honor of #1 Single one of those shows that makes me slightly angry because Lisa Loeb is adorable and could totally get a man but still I have to watch it. Yeah. Also I'm wondering if anyone actually pays attention to the music on the side.

IT'LL BE OUR LITTLE SECRET

2006-03-18T11:38:00.000-06:00

KimmyJ- Ur dreams have come true arry the cable guy has been made into a movie. YES
E-Beth- I know it promises to be the greatest thing EVER
KimmyJ- I knew u would be happy hes ur lover
E-Beth- I WISH!!! He's too handsome and funny and cool for me
KimmyJ-One day u may be lucky enough to kiss and touch him
E-Beth-I live only for that day
KimmyJ- I know just have hope

Now you all know my secret. Oh Dear sweet Larry the Cable Guy. How I pine for you.

I <3 YOU

2006-03-17T10:12:00.000-06:00

In honor of St. Patricks Day which is a much better excuse to get drunk and be in love than Valentines Day could ever hope to be I give you:

Are you a sergeant? Cause you make my privates stand up straight.

I know I'm not Fred Flinestone, but I can make your Bed Rock

You know what would look really good on you? No, what? Me.

Hey babe, nice legs....What time do they open?

You have 206 bones right now, Want to have 207 tonight ?

I wouldn't be surprised if you were Cambell's soup, Cause you are mmm mmm good!

Did it hurt? When u fell out of heaven?

Baby do you have a mirror in your jeans cause I can definitely see my self in them.

I may not be the best looking here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

Are you wearing space pants, 'cause your butt is out of this world!

Am I cute, or do you need another drink?

And contributed by StarZero because he is all things romantical: "Nice Shoes, Wanna fuck?" which happens to be the title of an OLD ENTRY that is wonderful and amazing and features the words brownie hound.

WHO ARE YOU UNKNOWN NAME, AND WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING ME?

2006-03-15T14:50:00.000-06:00

Today is one of those never ending days that you want to just sleep away but you can't seem to make yourself unconcious no matter how hard you try. Shakespeare ate the charger for my phone in the house so the only way I can charge the phone now is in the car. Since I have no place to go and I only enjoy driving around at night when the evil hurtful sun is harrassing those on the other side of the globe I have to use my phone as little as possible. Unfortunantly I spent a good two hours on the phone with Kimberly last night shooting the shit so this morning it was mostly dead. I decided to just drive around for a few minutes to get at least a little charge since I missed a call from a potential job. Unfortunantly [again] the maintenance guy that works here decided to back into my car. No damage was done that wasn't already there but if I was a better liar the huge scrape and dent on the fender I would have said he inflicted. Of course there is no way he could have done that going all of 1 mph but ya know he doesn't look to be the brightest crayon in the box. He did fix my toilet, bathroom drawer and microwave but I didn't really want him to fix the microwave, I wanted a new one that wasn't ridiculous and had a turn-table. What kind of shady place doesn't have microwaves with turn-tables?

Le Sigh

Though I did win the Snarky 80's Button Contest over at WarCryGirl's place. Which did make my day and to all sixteen of you that voted for me I promise to make you something extra special. It's like a birthday present a week and a day early. So thank you 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, and 15. I voted for myself once so I don't count. I love you. And if you tell me who you are I'll make you a mix CD.
P.S. WarCryGirl have you gotten yours yet? Because if not I'm going to have to kill me some USPS employees [just joshin Govt. I wouldn't do something like that]. Wait...does that make it sound like I bribed you into letting me win? Oh well.

I think I'm going to go pretend fiction is reality and make myself a little crazier than I already am. Can you be borderline schizophrenic? Can talking to yourself and pretending fictional characters are real push you over the edge into Insanity? I feel an expirement coming on.

BAD NEWS AND DISAPPOINTMENTS...DREAMS SUCK

2006-03-14T11:19:00.000-06:00

Oh Yanni. WHY?! I think that may actually be the first time I've seen a picture of Yanni. Besides of course the ones on his CDs which of course I own. All of them. No you can't borrow them.

Also I'm like one vote behind on WarCryGirl's snarky 80's button contest. Go vote for E-Beth if you haven't done so already. Or sneak over to someone else’s computer and vote for me there. I promise to love you forever and badly draw you a picture of anything you want. Also kisses from celebrities, cures for cancers, and Tab Energy for all! Go to the Tab Energy website because the picture on the home page is scary, I feel like there should be a warning: WARNING! Drinking Tab Energy and talking on the phone causes creepy O faces. Also track 2 is my favorite. If they make another Killer Klowns from Outerspace this will have to be on the soundtrack. Track 2. OH boy! Oh man...apparently the picture changes. How sad. Hopefully you too will get the weird girl so you know what I'm talking about.

The new band this week is Cat Power. Check it out.

So I've been fighting with my mom and last night I dreamed she died and I had to force myself to cry. I wonder what that means. My dream dictionary is bunk and once again proves to be useless. Useless because it means awful horrible things and I don't want to think about it being true. Damn you Dream dictionary. Damn you!!

Okay my mouse is being creepy and moving about on its own. Is my apartment haunted? Well is it?